Dad's Memories

I spent some time with my Dad this weekend. Since it was just me and my parents, I took the opportunity to ask them some questions about their lives.

Dad said his father was a bit of a lazy guy. He didn't do much and really didn't know how to take care of himself very well; he was swindled by business partners and lost a good bit of money. His grandfather, though, was a smart guy. Dad doesn't remember how he passed away; apparently he died when my dad was very small. My dad's favorite foods were idli, sambar, and chicken. He lived, after second grade, with his aunt and uncle. He said he didn't ask for much, since he had to take what he was given. He said he pretty much lived his life that way in India, and didn't learn to speak up for himself until he went to college.

Dad went to graduate school at Duke University. He got his PhD there. When he came over from India, he had a room in dorm, and he roomed with a guy named Jeff Hoyt. As far as food went, when he went to restaurants, he only really recognized hard-boiled eggs. So he ate those every day with milk the first few weeks. Apparently that gave him a good bit of discomfort (gee, wonder why). So his roommate Jeff took him out and ordered steaks. "How am I supposed to eat this, Jeff?" Dad asked. "With a knife and fork!" Jeff replied. Jeff apparently is an administrator at a high school in Massachusetts, now.

Dad said one day, he found a wallet in a bathroom at Duke. It had a driver's license and $60. A lot of money in those days, around 1966. My dad said he found the number of the guy from a secretary, and called him up and told him that he had the wallet. The guy, another graduate student, met my Dad at his dorm and spent two hours talking with him. He shook my dad's hand when he left. Jeff was sitting there, watching my dad, in amazement. "I thought kids from India just took money they found because they were so poor!" Dad said, "Well, it wasn't mine." My dad thinks that really made an impression on Jeff, because the next semester, they both decided to live together in an apartment off-campus because it was cheaper. Unfortunately, Jeff ended up leaving Duke after that first year because he was drafted.

Dad likes to tell the story about how he went to a diner with a friend named Dick Stevenson. The diner had a sign posted, "whites only." He apparently didn't understand and went in to eat with his friend. He was promptly escorted out, and thankfully, his friend left too.

I didn't realize that he had to work to pay for the dorm and apartment. Apparently, his job was to take measurements of rooms for the School of Engineering. They did that as a job? He was paid $1.25 an hour. He said that was good money. He worked with his friend Paramesh and also with Dick.

He went fishing with Paramesh and Dick one weekend. I asked if he'd gone fishing much in India. "No way, that's low class in India. You hire people to do that. People would look at you like you were crazy if you said you went to fish!"

Dad got his first driving lesson from a country guy named Bill (I think). Bill took Dad out, first thing, on the interstate. "You're 30 years old! You should be able to do this!" Bill said. Dad had driven 20 mph, max, in India, and started getting nervous after a while. Bill let Dad pull over after that. Later, Dad somehow scraped enough money together ($250) to buy his first car. It was a Chevrolet Biscayne, didn't get great gas mileage, but it was a set of wheels. He bought it from a priest. He figured it must have been a good deal since it came from a priest.

Yokes, Salt, and Light

I have been reviewing these verses recently from 2 Cor 6.

11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
 “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
  and I will be their God,
  and they shall be my people.
 17 Therefore go out from their midst,
  and be separate from them, says the Lord,
 and touch no unclean thing;
  then I will welcome you,
18  and I will be a father to you,
  and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
 says the Lord Almighty.”
(2 Corinthians 6:11-18 ESV)

Mainly, the one I'm curious about is 2 Cor 6:14. Many use that verse in relation to marriage. "Do not be unequally yoked in marriage" is something I heard a lot when going through my divorce. Makes sense to me, although I'd never believed that before becoming a Christian. But, knowing that faith often drives your morals/drive/will to live, there's room for contention when you disagree with your spouse on basic tenets of life, particularly when you're raising children.

But there is more to these verses than marriage. It's about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Some interpret these verses as limiting association with others. This, for me, is incomprehensible. How does one who is friends with non-believers, who has non-believing family, limit association and still be salt and light in the world? For, after all, from Matthew 5:

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that^[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Yet, limiting association is what some believe. I'm not going to link to those articles, because, well, I just don't buy it. I cannot buy it. God drew me in as a believer in my late 20s, raised by a Hindu and an agnostic, so that I would limit association with them? It doesn't make sense to me. How could I honor them as my parents this way? God knew they were my parents. That wasn't an accident.

I realize that my feelings lean a certain way here. This might mean that I interpret the verses the way  I want to. However, I have some others that I think are smarter than me, interpreting them in a way that does make sense to me. First, some interpret this to limit spiritual enterprises. One of the articles talks about the references to Belial and to the temple as pointing to wariness when it comes to worship-related enterprises. That seems to make sense to me. If you're going to have an enterprise related to the Gospel, why partner with a non-believer? And, getting back to marriage, what is marriage if it doesn't point to what we worship and expose the Gospel? It shows how we worship ourselves, our spouse, and/or God. So yes, secondly, I do believe these verses point to marriage, too.

1. http://provocativechristian.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/provocative-bible-verses-do-not-be-unequally-yoked-with-unbelievers/
2. http://theexpositor.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/being-unequally-yoked-with-unbeleivers/
3. http://stevenjcamp.blogspot.com/2008/06/unequally-yoked-what-it-means-and-how.html

I like this conclusion in one of the articles:

Be in the world; be involved in your communities; love your neighbors; do good work at your place of employ; honor the Lord with excellence in those things.

But don’t be of the world. If a nonbeliever is touched by the young people being changed in your area, don’t seek to approach them for co-ownership of your work, approach them with the life-giving truths of the gospel.

Thanks for friends

This is the letter I sent out to those who donated to M's summer project.

"It’s the day before Melody is due to leave for Summer Beach Project. She is going out tonight for a while, saying goodbye to friends. It seems hardest, don’t you think, when you are the first to leave? Everyone else seems to be having fun, yet you must go.

God leads us sometimes this way. We must go places when we don’t like the timing, or maybe where we don’t even want to go. I really didn’t want Melody to “grow up” and fly away from home. I have to admit my own weakness here and say part of that came from wondering if I’d done “enough” as her parent. Did I teach her how to live on her own correctly? Did I teach her how to navigate relationships properly? Will she know how to express herself without my guidance? Yes, as you can tell from my words, I had to learn the lesson (and I still am learning it) that my “control” of my daughters is really not my “control.” God has a plan for them, just as He did for me.

I told Melody today that my main prayer for her is this: that she would grow in her desire to know Him this summer. I pray that she finds friends to help her in this endeavor. Growing in faith doesn’t necessarily mean acting a certain way, but it will result in more humility in realizing what He has done for us, and how much we don’t deserve it. I pray that she finds a place to worship, as our home at Riverwood Presbyterian Church is the only one she’s known and we love it there. I pray that she would also learn how to say “no” sometimes. She and I both have trouble with that.

I can’t express to you how thankful I am for your help in her summer effort. I’ve known this for some time, but my children are so impacted by my friends. Yes, they learn to think like their own friends when they are younger. Yet, they also listen and “catch” some of what my own friends teach, as well. She has certainly blossomed into a careful thinker through the influence of many, and you have been one of those that have helped influence her. You have now blessed us with your donation, and I am so grateful for you.

I’m encouraging her to keep a blog, or an email thread, to keep us apprised of her weekly happenings. Hopefully she will do this, and if she does, I will pass it along to you. Thank you again for your meaningful gift. It means the world to us."