I'm engaged.
Ha. That sounds so funny to me. Maybe because it feels unexpected.
I'm enjoying saying it. Twenty-two and a half years ago, I didn't say it or enjoy it like I should have. Now it makes me feel genuinely happy...and sappy.
We'd gone to Birmingham to spend a fun day there. I'd twisted my ankle the day before, and wasn't even sure if I was up for a day of activity. We went canoeing, though, and throughout the day he was considerate in making sure I didn't walk too much. We had a picnic lunch and cruised over the lake easily, with minimal interruption from others at Oak Mountain. We cleaned up and headed to Nadeau, a hipster furniture market in Homewood. We walked along a sidewalk sale and made fun of all of the art deco furniture, and sat in air-conditioned stores when we got a chance. We headed to Landry's for dinner, where we had a very blunt waiter who didn't seem like he liked us, which was bothersome to me because of course I assume that everyone will like me. But I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about it; we just enjoyed the dinner and got mini-desserts to consume - I inhaled a creme brulee. We got back to Tuscaloosa, took a walk on the Riverwalk, and it was then that he dropped to one knee and said, "Will you marry me?"
To which I replied, "Is this for real?"
After a moment of disbelief, I said "YES" and all of a sudden I became engaged. A future Mrs. I knew that life would be changing. We have since discussed it with our respective children, our families, and our friends. I refuse to announce this on Facebook, it seems so impersonal, so social media. I like to see people acting so happy when I tell them. What a gift.
But truly, this is a small gift compared to some of the other gifts that come from a marriage. It's been so long since I've really thought about saying "we" or "us" when it comes to matters of domesticity, like buying a car, or selling a house, or planning a vacation, it's been "me" for so long. And as a mom, I had responsibility on my shoulders to try to do these things wisely, to spend within a budget, to make sure the girls were well taken care of. I can't explain how that weighs on you - and I knew it was something God had in control, but as a sinner saved by grace on this side of heaven, it still was - and is - incredibly hard. Today, I was talking with Randall about buying a car, about what "we" thought about our options and about what would fit in "our" life, and it made me weep in gratitude.
The covenant we will make will be hard. It will be something we will want to break; I know this. But we trust in the One that keeps covenants, that He will guide us and keep us. How amazing!
