Yokes, Salt, and Light

I have been reviewing these verses recently from 2 Cor 6.

11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
 “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
  and I will be their God,
  and they shall be my people.
 17 Therefore go out from their midst,
  and be separate from them, says the Lord,
 and touch no unclean thing;
  then I will welcome you,
18  and I will be a father to you,
  and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
 says the Lord Almighty.”
(2 Corinthians 6:11-18 ESV)

Mainly, the one I'm curious about is 2 Cor 6:14. Many use that verse in relation to marriage. "Do not be unequally yoked in marriage" is something I heard a lot when going through my divorce. Makes sense to me, although I'd never believed that before becoming a Christian. But, knowing that faith often drives your morals/drive/will to live, there's room for contention when you disagree with your spouse on basic tenets of life, particularly when you're raising children.

But there is more to these verses than marriage. It's about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Some interpret these verses as limiting association with others. This, for me, is incomprehensible. How does one who is friends with non-believers, who has non-believing family, limit association and still be salt and light in the world? For, after all, from Matthew 5:

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that^[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Yet, limiting association is what some believe. I'm not going to link to those articles, because, well, I just don't buy it. I cannot buy it. God drew me in as a believer in my late 20s, raised by a Hindu and an agnostic, so that I would limit association with them? It doesn't make sense to me. How could I honor them as my parents this way? God knew they were my parents. That wasn't an accident.

I realize that my feelings lean a certain way here. This might mean that I interpret the verses the way  I want to. However, I have some others that I think are smarter than me, interpreting them in a way that does make sense to me. First, some interpret this to limit spiritual enterprises. One of the articles talks about the references to Belial and to the temple as pointing to wariness when it comes to worship-related enterprises. That seems to make sense to me. If you're going to have an enterprise related to the Gospel, why partner with a non-believer? And, getting back to marriage, what is marriage if it doesn't point to what we worship and expose the Gospel? It shows how we worship ourselves, our spouse, and/or God. So yes, secondly, I do believe these verses point to marriage, too.

1. http://provocativechristian.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/provocative-bible-verses-do-not-be-unequally-yoked-with-unbelievers/
2. http://theexpositor.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/being-unequally-yoked-with-unbeleivers/
3. http://stevenjcamp.blogspot.com/2008/06/unequally-yoked-what-it-means-and-how.html

I like this conclusion in one of the articles:

Be in the world; be involved in your communities; love your neighbors; do good work at your place of employ; honor the Lord with excellence in those things.

But don’t be of the world. If a nonbeliever is touched by the young people being changed in your area, don’t seek to approach them for co-ownership of your work, approach them with the life-giving truths of the gospel.

Thanks for friends

This is the letter I sent out to those who donated to M's summer project.

"It’s the day before Melody is due to leave for Summer Beach Project. She is going out tonight for a while, saying goodbye to friends. It seems hardest, don’t you think, when you are the first to leave? Everyone else seems to be having fun, yet you must go.

God leads us sometimes this way. We must go places when we don’t like the timing, or maybe where we don’t even want to go. I really didn’t want Melody to “grow up” and fly away from home. I have to admit my own weakness here and say part of that came from wondering if I’d done “enough” as her parent. Did I teach her how to live on her own correctly? Did I teach her how to navigate relationships properly? Will she know how to express herself without my guidance? Yes, as you can tell from my words, I had to learn the lesson (and I still am learning it) that my “control” of my daughters is really not my “control.” God has a plan for them, just as He did for me.

I told Melody today that my main prayer for her is this: that she would grow in her desire to know Him this summer. I pray that she finds friends to help her in this endeavor. Growing in faith doesn’t necessarily mean acting a certain way, but it will result in more humility in realizing what He has done for us, and how much we don’t deserve it. I pray that she finds a place to worship, as our home at Riverwood Presbyterian Church is the only one she’s known and we love it there. I pray that she would also learn how to say “no” sometimes. She and I both have trouble with that.

I can’t express to you how thankful I am for your help in her summer effort. I’ve known this for some time, but my children are so impacted by my friends. Yes, they learn to think like their own friends when they are younger. Yet, they also listen and “catch” some of what my own friends teach, as well. She has certainly blossomed into a careful thinker through the influence of many, and you have been one of those that have helped influence her. You have now blessed us with your donation, and I am so grateful for you.

I’m encouraging her to keep a blog, or an email thread, to keep us apprised of her weekly happenings. Hopefully she will do this, and if she does, I will pass it along to you. Thank you again for your meaningful gift. It means the world to us."

Living on your own

I've been off the blogosphere for a while. No particular reason, I actually have three drafts sitting, waiting to be published. I can't seem to finish my writing these days.

M left for the beach yesterday. Not for vacation, but to work. For the first time, she's living somewhere outside of Tuscaloosa, and she's earning money. She's with people she doesn't know. Completely out of her comfort zone.

Makes me think of myself 19 years ago going to Ellicott City, Maryland for a co-op job. I flew there, no car, and commuted 30 min from Ellicott City to Fort Meade with friends every day to work for the Defense Department. It was a thrilling idea after living in Alabama so long. Also, the idea of the projects I could work on for the defense department was extremely exciting! It was more than I could imagine. But the first few days...it was lonely. I missed my family, my friends, my classes. My roommate, Jen, was from Pennsylvania and was sweet, but she was quiet like me and I didn't know how to talk to her. We had an apartment and shared a room. There was one other bedroom, and there were two other girls in there; one was Karyn and there was another girl whose name I can't remember. Karyn was also from Pennsylvania and was firecracker-friendly. She had a smile that made you smile back. The other girl, let's call her Mary, had a boyfriend and prepared dinners for herself and her boyfriend every night. She scared me a little, she was kind of intense. We lived together, made our way to our jobs, and got to know each other, slowly.

That semester in Maryland was one of the most eye-opening times in my life. I made friends like I'd never made before - and I used to really have a hard time with making friends. I learned to live on my own. I had to figure out how to talk to people and make them listen to me. I worked, I earned money, and I even saved money. I met professionals and worked with them. I had my eyes opened on what really happens in the government. It was also at the same time as the Gulf War so I was able to take in what security was really like during a war on a military base. Finally, I had my first date, which led to us being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that eventually led to marriage.

For M, I'm praying for an amazing summer. Sure, I'd love for even one of the things that happened to me to happen to her, but I'd also love for her to have her own life-changing experiences. Learning to live on your own does that to you.

Perspective in the Big Things

Death, where is thy sting?
Our victory is won.

Death, why should I fear?
Our difficulties are temporary.

Death, you are our enemy,
Yet the battle is not my own.

Death, perspective is everything.
We grieve, but ultimately we can rejoice.

I was recently asked if thinking about death makes us morbid. I suppose there is a sense of obsession that could occur and be unhealthy. To me, thinking of our inheritance is important. Being reminded that there is victory. Knowing He will arrive in just a little while, after we have endured, is key. The righteous live by faith, after all.

From 1 Cor 15:

"50 I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. 53 For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54 When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”

55 “O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”

56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Turning Forty

It's been a while since I've posted. In that time, I turned the big 4-0. Eventful? Yes, from a social standpoint; but from an age standpoint, it didn't feel like a "rite of passage" moment. Was it supposed to? Was I supposed to have a ton of angst, disenchantment, or relief?

Really, at the crux of it, I'm not insecure about who I am anymore. At the age of 16, I questioned everything; who I was, who my friends were, if anyone liked me, why I was of Indian descent, why I was so sensitive, why my friends seemed to have fun but I didn't, etc etc. That was angst. At the age of 25, I was married and working, with two young children, and I was somewhat comfortable. I didn't feel like an adult yet, though, and I worried constantly with mom-guilt. I also worried about what the world would be like for my girls, what kind of wife I was, and if I was doing all I could in my career. At the age of 30, I was a mess. I'd been a Christian for a couple of years, just separated from my husband, was worried about my kids, and I was just numb.

40 is none of that. The last couple of years in certain ways were like letting go. Some of this, I know, is circumstantial. My kids are 19 and 15 now. I'm on pretty good terms with my ex-husband, thankfully. I still have a job and I love my church. Again, circumstantial. 40 for me is being comfortable, not just with circumstances, but with knowing who I am in Christ. I can't say that I am comfortable with myself - there is so much sin there, it's pretty uncomfortable - but it's about trusting that it will be made right. Rob Looper, a pastor acquaintance of mine, wrote this blogpost which I think is a great way of saying what I'm fumbling around trying to say.

My daughter M threw a wonderful surprise party for me at Olive Garden with the help of friends and family. My sister and parents came to visit, too - also a surprise. What a blessing.

Gentle admonitions

I suppose that my posts reveal my faith pretty easily. They may not reveal the different facets of my personality as easily, since it's easy to cover the flaws, irregularities, and sins of the flesh. Yet, they are there. They will always be there.

Over the past week, I've had three separate occasions for friends to talk about swearing with me. My feelings on it, at best, are formed from my upbringing, years of confusion about it, and opinions formed by watching and listening to those that I respect, including those that are evangelical believers.

I grew up in a household where we didn't swear. It was sort of shocking to say "damn" and I never did. I wasn't the type to throw out that type of language even in high school, when my peers did it. And I did get made fun of being a goody-two-shoes. I just never actually thought anything about it when people did swear, except if they swore every other word. Seemed excessive, unnecessary, and uneducated. Still, I wondered how saying "darn" was much different from "damn."

When I got married, my husband did swear. Not constantly, just an occasional expletive when angry. It wasn't every day, but often enough that I worried about my daughters hearing the words and repeating them during their tender years. I still wasn't one to swear much, but I did listen to songs with swear words in them. It was sort of shocking if I ever said "hell" at work. From this I learned that to be effective and meaningful at swearing, you only did it once in a blue moon to get people's attention.

After Jesus brought me into his kingdom, I did learn to hate pretty quickly the "g-d" type words and then grew to hate the "oh my g" expression. The second commandment, after all, is to avoid taking the Lord's name in vain. I've seen fellow church-goers that do curse on occasion, and also seen those that really would never swear and probably can't stand it. I have heard an occasional word from the pulpit. Mark Driscoll is apparently known as the "swearing pastor."

What is the biblical view of swearing? I am not the quickest at jumping in my Bible and finding all the references for what I need to know, but I went to challies.com and did a search on it. Found a couple of comprehensive articles here that I have been dwelling on for the last couple of days. I think one quote that I found to be very thoughtful is from Wayne Grudem: "Using the words commonly thought to be offensive in the culture seems to me to be sort of the verbal equivalent of not wearing deodorant and having body odor, or of going around with spilled food on our shirts all the time. Someone might argue that not wearing deodorant or wearing dirty clothes are not morally wrong things in themselves, but my response is that they do give needless offense and cause others to think of us as somewhat impure or unclean. So, I think, does using words commonly thought to be ‘obscene’ or ‘offensive’ or ‘vulgar’ in the culture generally. Plus it encourages others to act in the same way. So in that way it brings reproach on the church and the gospel."

And he also quotes these verses:

ESV Titus 2:10 not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.
ESV Ephesians 5:4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.
ESV Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
ESV Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

These verses, quoted the way I just laid them on the page, are out of context. Why is Paul talking like he is in Ephesians? What is he referring to in his letter to the Philippians? These are things I'm going to need to study further.

Next, I have the words of my own pastor on our Riverblog here. He categorizes swearing into profanity, cursing, swearing/oaths, perversion/degradation, and linguistic inelegance/rough language. One excellent point he made is this: "it doesn't take a cuss word for us to communicate hate or perversion. The most innocuous word could be used in a context of rage and perversion." He also mentions James 3: "1 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body." And there is more in James about the tongue staining the whole body. The final point, though, is definitely worth reading: "We reserve our mouths at times— not because the specific speech is intrinsically or spiritually bad, but, rather, through our propriety we are showing deference and respect to all of our weaker brothers and sisters. Similarly, we are preserving the witness of Christ to an unbelieving world who may misunderstand and associate these words with anti-Christian beliefs. It is my wish that we 1) regain awesome reverence for God's name 2) respect those around us 3) and not attach improper moralistic restraints to words that are not truly profane, curses, or perverse."

I love the idea of holiness. This, to me, is what the verses I've repeated point to. What I also realize, though, is I am far from it. I truly believe in the idea of total depravity, which means I am never going to satisfy the perfect-ness required that was satisfied in Christ; but even further, like Paul, I am the worst of sinners. So therein lies the theological concept of sanctification. I didn't flip a switch the day I was baptized and become "holy." I think we need correction. On this issue, in particular, I needed to remember what scripture says and remind myself that I have miles to go before I sleep. Particularly in our post-modern culture, it's important to reflect on this topic that can be sensitive for believers, but also for non-believers.

To me, however, the biggest issue is not of the actual language itself, but of the heart. The language points to a heart issue - a heart of hate, a heart of rage, a heart of wanting our own way, a heart of selfish pride. And isn't that what God must change, our heart? Isn't that what God promises to finish? It's not my own doing, but His. I am regretful of the language when used to degrade others, and I confess this. But I cannot change my sinful heart; He must do this. And I pray that He does this in His timing.

I've had some posts on this blog that are offensive, that are based in degradation or rough language. And in understanding that this can be disrespectful to other believers or those that haven't studied this topic, I am removing those. Know, though, that's a band-aid on my own flesh. And know that I'm covered by the grace of Jesus.

The beauty of small things

Seeing, in person, a beautiful sunset with streaks of pink, purple, and yellow, broadcasting the beauty of creation to all who appreciate it.

Having lunch with your daughter(s) and catching up while making jokes, sharing secrets, and listening carefully for things sometimes left unsaid.

Listening to musicians who love what they do and pour their heart out into the moment.

Watching a fluff movie like Miss Congeniality and laughing your head off. Or, singing with one of your favorites, like the Sound of Music, and remembering when you used to do the same thing at age 8.

Making a dinner you truly enjoy, like the wonderful Penne with Shrimp recipe of the Pioneer Woman, and enjoying a glass of wine with it.

Reading a book and realizing it's sucked you in, because it's so good that you can see yourself in the middle of the plot, and then looking up at the clock realizing it's 2 am but you don't really want to stop reading.

Sitting on the beach at night and enjoying the sound of the waves as they roll to shore, knowing that the tide rolls in every night because it was made to do so, and feeling a part of something bigger as you enjoy it.

Watching Little House on the Prairie with your daughter who has no idea how much you obsessed over that show as a little girl - and she says you're a better mom than Caroline Ingalls.

Pretty much any dessert with sprinkles.