My youngest daughter turned 16 a week ago. How has 16 years passed since she was born?
Last week, we were not at home, we were staying at my friend Beth's due to the fact that I was getting my floors refinished. I got up early (for me) at 5:30, got ready, made cinnamon rolls, and hung a "Happy Birthday" streamer so she would see it. I headed back to the room with my video camera, which is a yearly tradition, and sang Happy Birthday to her. Thankfully she'd already awoken and was mostly ready; I say thankfully because it hasn't always been pleasant for the girls when I wake them up with a video camera!
I took her to school, probably the first time in a while, and dropped her off. After working a half-day, I went and traded cars and picked her back up. We headed to Taco Casa on Skyland, of course, and "ate light." This, for K, meant eating a snack burrito instead of her normal burrito, in addition to two tacos. Then, we headed to the State Troopers' office.
When we arrived, the first problem arose. The VIN number on the car's registration did not match the VIN listed on the proof of insurance. Hello!? What?! She could not test. I called my insurance agent, and it turned out the registration had a VIN number for a Chevy Monte Carlo. What?! We ran over to the license office, coincidentally next to the local "Dirt Cheap" store. Thankfully, they had scanned in my bill of sale two weeks prior and had proof of the correct VIN! Woot! So we were able to get it corrected and headed back to get the license, which was a successful endeavor.
Our sweet friends Kristina and her son pulled up to my house just as we stopped by to get the mail. They dropped off a balloon and a hug! That must have been a God thing; we were only at the house for five minutes! K drove off immediately and headed towards the high school to show off the car. Meanwhile, I stressed out at the house when I realized Mellow Mushroom had booked the party room for the exact time I needed it.
We went to dinner that night at Jim and Nick's. Just me, K, M...and their dad. Had fun laughing and catching up. What a sweet thing it is, to know God has worked so mightily in our lives. K told me that evening, "it was a great day." Wonderful words to a mom's ears.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
At the Movies
I just got through watching the last thirty minutes of the Breakfast Club. This movie was a seminal movie from my teen years. Of all of the John Hughes movies out there, this was the one I related to the most. I first watched it at my own birthday party when I was 14. I had three friends spend the night, and we put balloons under our shirts and pretended we had, ahem, large bosoms. Yes, I was a little old for that. Regardless, I related to this movie so much. When the nerd cries and talked about the pressure he was under, I understood. When the goth girl gets a makeover, I loved it. When they all made fun of the popular girl, I was cheering them on.
Watching this movie today, I feel old. The Emilio Estevez character says, "Do you think we're going to grow up to be our parents?" Back then, I used to think, "no way! they are going to be different." Today, I just laugh. Because the reality is, we're not carbon copies of our parents, but we certainly have many similarities; how can we not, we have their genetics!
I think about M and K and wonder what movies really influenced their high school years. Would it be the silliness of "High School Musical"? Or the serious sci-fi shenanigans of "Inception"? What about the movies based on books, like "Twilight" or "Harry Potter"? Man, I sure hope it wasn't a teen movie like "Juno." I'd rather that it's something like "Nancy Drew" which K loves. I know M loves things like "Anchorman", "Baby Mama", and "Crazy Stupid Love," and K is a huge fan of "She's the Man", too. We quote that movie while we watch it. I have to say, I didn't watch nearly as many movies in my teen years as they do now. I remember spending my Friday nights with my parents watching "Dallas", which I'm sure had a huge impact on what I thought relationships shouldn't be like. Not to mention that I was watching soap operas with my parents. On a Friday night. Sigh.
We are shaped by our culture, whether we like it or not. I've learned to try to apply some wisdom to watching movies, but I like fun movies as much as the next person.
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal...Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."
Watching this movie today, I feel old. The Emilio Estevez character says, "Do you think we're going to grow up to be our parents?" Back then, I used to think, "no way! they are going to be different." Today, I just laugh. Because the reality is, we're not carbon copies of our parents, but we certainly have many similarities; how can we not, we have their genetics!
I think about M and K and wonder what movies really influenced their high school years. Would it be the silliness of "High School Musical"? Or the serious sci-fi shenanigans of "Inception"? What about the movies based on books, like "Twilight" or "Harry Potter"? Man, I sure hope it wasn't a teen movie like "Juno." I'd rather that it's something like "Nancy Drew" which K loves. I know M loves things like "Anchorman", "Baby Mama", and "Crazy Stupid Love," and K is a huge fan of "She's the Man", too. We quote that movie while we watch it. I have to say, I didn't watch nearly as many movies in my teen years as they do now. I remember spending my Friday nights with my parents watching "Dallas", which I'm sure had a huge impact on what I thought relationships shouldn't be like. Not to mention that I was watching soap operas with my parents. On a Friday night. Sigh.
We are shaped by our culture, whether we like it or not. I've learned to try to apply some wisdom to watching movies, but I like fun movies as much as the next person.
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal...Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."
Monday, December 3, 2012
Unstudied Chaos
"Home is wherever I'm with you..." My friend Ragan quoted this song by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes on her blog. I love that song. However, I have to admit that my favorite rendition is not from the Zeroes, it's from Jorge and Alexa Narvaez, which you can watch here.
Having said that, I need to mention that I am not living at home. My house is sitting, empty, forlorn, waiting. It's floors are being sanded and refinished. I'm at my friend Beth's watching "The Voice" and making fun of all of the singers.
Is the house a home because of what I do to it? Of course not. It's not the meals that I wish I cooked more often (sad). It's not the Southern Living decor that people put in it that make it a home. Which I don't have. It's not the pinterest crafts that I sometimes stare at, but then think, "Who has time to make this stuff?"
Home is about the relationships you make. The discussions about what your hopes and dreams are, like going to Africa when people are driving you crazy but it really doesn't solve your problems so you argue about it. It's about wondering about which boy you're interested in, like Jake or Oliver or whoever. It's about praying together for those that you know who are suffering. It's about screaming at each other when you lose your tempers and then asking for forgiveness when you realize your sin was just out there on display. It's about laughing together when you're watching a movie or doing something really awkward or sharing a story about your day. It's about coloring together, playing games together, helping one another.
I need to stop feeling guilty about all of the things I don't get to do and just get out there and live. In a way my life is just a little crazy (who would really decide to get floors refinished the week their daughter turns 16, I mean seriously) but I have realized that I like it that way. It's a bit of unstudied chaos with structure thrown in for good measure. It's just me.
Having said that, I need to mention that I am not living at home. My house is sitting, empty, forlorn, waiting. It's floors are being sanded and refinished. I'm at my friend Beth's watching "The Voice" and making fun of all of the singers.
Is the house a home because of what I do to it? Of course not. It's not the meals that I wish I cooked more often (sad). It's not the Southern Living decor that people put in it that make it a home. Which I don't have. It's not the pinterest crafts that I sometimes stare at, but then think, "Who has time to make this stuff?"
Home is about the relationships you make. The discussions about what your hopes and dreams are, like going to Africa when people are driving you crazy but it really doesn't solve your problems so you argue about it. It's about wondering about which boy you're interested in, like Jake or Oliver or whoever. It's about praying together for those that you know who are suffering. It's about screaming at each other when you lose your tempers and then asking for forgiveness when you realize your sin was just out there on display. It's about laughing together when you're watching a movie or doing something really awkward or sharing a story about your day. It's about coloring together, playing games together, helping one another.
I need to stop feeling guilty about all of the things I don't get to do and just get out there and live. In a way my life is just a little crazy (who would really decide to get floors refinished the week their daughter turns 16, I mean seriously) but I have realized that I like it that way. It's a bit of unstudied chaos with structure thrown in for good measure. It's just me.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Depression
Sinking, falling, losing the battle
I can't breathe
Numbing, blinding, the pain increases
Get away
Constant, pressing, months on end
I'm not here
Denying, recriminating, running to light
I'm raw.
I'm not depressed now. But I remember.
I can't breathe
Numbing, blinding, the pain increases
Get away
Constant, pressing, months on end
I'm not here
Denying, recriminating, running to light
I'm raw.
I'm not depressed now. But I remember.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Mom and Dad are Nuts
I swear, every time I visit, I think, "WOW."
Then, I think, "I'm going to be like this in 35 years. WOW."
My mom loads me down with "necessities" every time I visit. This trip, I have a box of stuff for M. This makes me giggle, because this is usually all the stuff that goes to me. There's household items that I would use, like generic brand napkins, paper towels, q-tips, and toothpaste. Then, there's randomness. Like, flip flops she picked up for $2 at Sears, a scent-less candle, and a travel pack of Bandaids to put in her car. Okay, thanks Mom.
My to-go-goodie-box contains some jewelry she picked up, some Christmas ornaments, a bag of peanuts, and three tank tops she picked up (I refused two of them).
I was five years old when my mom was 40. I think about trying to run after a 5-year-old (much less a 1-year-old, my little sister) at my age. No wonder she's crazy (Yes, I know several people who are this age with little ones too. And I'm telling you, your brain cells may be a little off when you're 50).
Then, I think, "I'm going to be like this in 35 years. WOW."
My mom loads me down with "necessities" every time I visit. This trip, I have a box of stuff for M. This makes me giggle, because this is usually all the stuff that goes to me. There's household items that I would use, like generic brand napkins, paper towels, q-tips, and toothpaste. Then, there's randomness. Like, flip flops she picked up for $2 at Sears, a scent-less candle, and a travel pack of Bandaids to put in her car. Okay, thanks Mom.
My to-go-goodie-box contains some jewelry she picked up, some Christmas ornaments, a bag of peanuts, and three tank tops she picked up (I refused two of them).
I was five years old when my mom was 40. I think about trying to run after a 5-year-old (much less a 1-year-old, my little sister) at my age. No wonder she's crazy (Yes, I know several people who are this age with little ones too. And I'm telling you, your brain cells may be a little off when you're 50).
What I didn't realize about holiness
I've been reading The Hole in our Holiness by Kevin DeYoung. I've appreciated DeYoung ever since I read Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will last year. That book was eye-opening to me. He declared that you can make decisions that are biblically sound and you shouldn't be crippled by waiting or wondering what God's will is for your life. God's plan for your life is to love Him first and foremost. If your decisions are not sinful, you're within God's will. Deciding between two jobs? Are they ethical? Then make a decision and know that's the right one.
The Hole in our Holiness is about the fact that we don't take holiness seriously enough. I like the way DeYoung writes. A bit of humor, some abstract concepts, but plenty of solid theology and scripture to back it up. I think one thing I am not sure he has answered is exactly what holiness is. I always defined it as being set apart, and by the grace of the Holy Spirit, pursuing godliness and obedience to our heavenly father. How does one do that though? I think the easiest answer, for me, is that it goes back to my heart and how my heart deals with things like the fruits of the spirit.
I'd sort of ignored the second part of some of my favorite verses. From Eph 1:3-4:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
Heb 12:12 - 14:
12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
Just a couple of a number of verses on holiness. I'm not going to cover the reasons for holiness, cause then I would be rewriting DeYoung's book (or plagiarizing it).
But I read a chapter last night that blew my mind. It was as if he were reading my mind about my struggles with holiness. First, he talked about grace and how our emphasis on grace is so much on what we cannot do in and of ourselves. I have thought so often about how my works are like filthy rags (from Isaiah), and how I cannot do anything worth doing aside from the holy spirit. He said that it's not scripturally responsible to say that it's impossible to obey and impossible to pursue righteousness because our works are tainted. So many of our biblical examples did pursue righteousness - like Joseph, like Zechariah and Elizabeth, who were pronounced "righteous before God."
Why do I do this, denigrate my own spiritual offerings? Having a small understanding of my own sin is one reason. But another reason is that "we equate obedience with perfection." He says "God does not expect our good works to be flawless in order to be good....God is pleased by through Christ to accept our sincere obedience, although it contains many weaknesses and imperfections." My struggle has been, why even try, after all, if my works are so pathetic? God will work it out. The Holy Spirit will work it out. And the Holy Spirit does. But we, too, should recognize that it's pleasing to the Lord to make the efforts to holiness. These efforts are nothing without Christ, but He works out our sanctification through these efforts.
The caution here, of course, is to avoid legalism and making idols of these attempts at holiness. I pray that my heart is changed about what holiness is, why we should strive for it, and what I do in my day-to-day. Because of His grace alone, I'm an adopted daughter. And by His grace, I'm being sanctified by Him.
The Hole in our Holiness is about the fact that we don't take holiness seriously enough. I like the way DeYoung writes. A bit of humor, some abstract concepts, but plenty of solid theology and scripture to back it up. I think one thing I am not sure he has answered is exactly what holiness is. I always defined it as being set apart, and by the grace of the Holy Spirit, pursuing godliness and obedience to our heavenly father. How does one do that though? I think the easiest answer, for me, is that it goes back to my heart and how my heart deals with things like the fruits of the spirit.
I'd sort of ignored the second part of some of my favorite verses. From Eph 1:3-4:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
Heb 12:12 - 14:
12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
Just a couple of a number of verses on holiness. I'm not going to cover the reasons for holiness, cause then I would be rewriting DeYoung's book (or plagiarizing it).
But I read a chapter last night that blew my mind. It was as if he were reading my mind about my struggles with holiness. First, he talked about grace and how our emphasis on grace is so much on what we cannot do in and of ourselves. I have thought so often about how my works are like filthy rags (from Isaiah), and how I cannot do anything worth doing aside from the holy spirit. He said that it's not scripturally responsible to say that it's impossible to obey and impossible to pursue righteousness because our works are tainted. So many of our biblical examples did pursue righteousness - like Joseph, like Zechariah and Elizabeth, who were pronounced "righteous before God."
Why do I do this, denigrate my own spiritual offerings? Having a small understanding of my own sin is one reason. But another reason is that "we equate obedience with perfection." He says "God does not expect our good works to be flawless in order to be good....God is pleased by through Christ to accept our sincere obedience, although it contains many weaknesses and imperfections." My struggle has been, why even try, after all, if my works are so pathetic? God will work it out. The Holy Spirit will work it out. And the Holy Spirit does. But we, too, should recognize that it's pleasing to the Lord to make the efforts to holiness. These efforts are nothing without Christ, but He works out our sanctification through these efforts.
The caution here, of course, is to avoid legalism and making idols of these attempts at holiness. I pray that my heart is changed about what holiness is, why we should strive for it, and what I do in my day-to-day. Because of His grace alone, I'm an adopted daughter. And by His grace, I'm being sanctified by Him.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Voting and work
It's election day. And I voted. I've voted in every single presidential election since 1992. And I'm happy about that. Today, 20 years later, my oldest daughter voted in her first presidential election. How cool is that?
I should be working right now. Work has been all-consuming, with about fifteen projects going on. A little bit of stress. But it's a good thing, I think. If I wasn't busy, wouldn't I be bored or lazy? I have a hard time, though, because I have a desire to do things well. When you have a number of projects, it's easy to drop pieces and not do things well.
We're supposed to fill out an employee survey at work. This is how I feel about it.
Another thing I should be doing is studying for my bible study. I am still finishing up the True Woman study with a group of middle schoolers and high schoolers. We have two more weeks left. Shouldn't I spend time thinking about how even though the fall has twisted God's design for women, Jesus re-made us?
Yet, instead, I made pork chops and risotto for dinner, had a glass of wine, and am watching election results. I will get back to work, and I will finish this study, but sometimes it's okay to take a bit of time and watch national news unfold. I admit that I have a hard time really believing everything these candidates throw at us. I also know God has this well in hand. But I do think it's important to vote and pray for our president, regardless of the party.
I should be working right now. Work has been all-consuming, with about fifteen projects going on. A little bit of stress. But it's a good thing, I think. If I wasn't busy, wouldn't I be bored or lazy? I have a hard time, though, because I have a desire to do things well. When you have a number of projects, it's easy to drop pieces and not do things well.
We're supposed to fill out an employee survey at work. This is how I feel about it.
Another thing I should be doing is studying for my bible study. I am still finishing up the True Woman study with a group of middle schoolers and high schoolers. We have two more weeks left. Shouldn't I spend time thinking about how even though the fall has twisted God's design for women, Jesus re-made us?
Yet, instead, I made pork chops and risotto for dinner, had a glass of wine, and am watching election results. I will get back to work, and I will finish this study, but sometimes it's okay to take a bit of time and watch national news unfold. I admit that I have a hard time really believing everything these candidates throw at us. I also know God has this well in hand. But I do think it's important to vote and pray for our president, regardless of the party.
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