K asked me yesterday, "Do you miss when we were little? Do you wish that we were little again?"
Where did that question come from? And can I honestly answer it?
Being a mother is the single-best-cherry-on-top thing ever. Period. It's also the most hair-pulling-frustrating-maturing thing ever. You know what's great though? Getting to see the chick-a-dees themselves grow and mature. They aren't just blobs of neediness anymore, like my beautiful 4-month-old niece is (okay, she's more than a blob). They're sentient, intelligent, rational and irrational, wise, immature and mature, hormonal, and amazing. And I got to watch that happen? Seriously, does anyone reflect on what a crazy miracle that is?
I told her that I miss it, definitely. I wish I'd taken more video of them when they were little. Yet, it's been a great twenty years since I had my M and I love getting to see the young women that they have become. One in college, doing her exercise medicine thing, and one in high school, doing her volleyball and music things.
I might want to go back for a peek, but I'm loving seeing the work of God now!
Update: she also asked me if I remember when they were shorter than me. Nice.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Men, Women, and Marriage, yeah, AGAIN
This year has been inundated with learning about God's design for men and women. At church, we studied John Piper's "What's the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible." in Sunday School for about six months. I read Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage. I also read Mark and Grace Driscoll's Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together. This summer, I read Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian; this was for a youth girls bible study. Finally, now, I'm studying True Woman 101 by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
I'm not going to lie. The fact that I'm studying these topics over and over is starting to get a little old. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about how God designed us as men and women, uniquely in our sexual identity, and how we were created for relationships. I've thought about how marriage is a picture that represents the trinity in a uniquely special way. But at the same time, I'm not weary of it. I've never heard this stuff before. I grew up in a household where I understood the physical differences between girls and boys, but my Dad never implied we were less than boys. In fact, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted to do, have a career in whatever I pursued, and not be limited by my feminine status. So it was almost a feminist household. The only weird thing was that my mom was really my servant. She did teach me that I wasn't supposed to flirt with boys and that I wasn't supposed to even look at boys. I might as well have worn a burqa. It was a childhood that was strangely patriarchal in some ways, but strangely feminist in other ways.
In the True Woman lesson last week, we talked about Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 where it lists the qualities of a woman who is foolish, and then the qualities in wisdom. Compare:
With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him.
All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast
till an arrow pierces its liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;
he does not know that it will cost him his life.
(Proverbs 7:21-23 ESV)
Take my instruction instead of silver,
and knowledge rather than choice gold,
for wisdom is better than jewels,
and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.
(Proverbs 8:10-11 ESV)
Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh Demoss discuss how much they disliked God's design for womanhood earlier in their lives. I wonder, for those that proclaim Christianity later in their lives, how do they embrace these types of ideas - that woman is created to be a helper (Gen 2:18)? That woman was created to complement man, and that's why she was created out of Adam's rib (Gen 2:22-23)? That man was the leader, and we know this because he was the one that named all of the animals, and he was the one that received the instruction from the Lord on which tree to avoid (Gen 2:16, 2:19) I know that I have softened towards the idea of women being uniquely created, for a purpose, to complement a man (her husband). I am starting to soften towards the idea that the feminist movement really goes against God's design. This is in spite of the fact that I do believe that there were a few good things that came out of the feminist movement - like the ability for woman to be able to vote and the ability for a woman's ideas to be heard. But as in many other movements, once an idea bears fruit, it also gets turned into something more than it ever intended to be. These wacky ideas include: women should be allowed to sleep around with any man (from Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl); women were unfulfilled in their roles as wives and mothers (Betty Friedan); and that women should really become the man they want to marry (Gloria Steinem). These ideas come from what we used to refer to as the women's lib movement. Now it's called feminism.
My friend Dana said this amazing thing, and I'm paraphrasing: "Rather than embracing the idea that our status as women is because of the sin of all of us, we fell prey to sin and blamed the opposite sex for all that ails us." Ultimately, I think how we feel about these truths from the Bible comes back to how God has softened our hearts to hear His word, and how much time we really spend studying it, praying about it, and fellowshipping with others about it.
I'm not going to lie. The fact that I'm studying these topics over and over is starting to get a little old. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about how God designed us as men and women, uniquely in our sexual identity, and how we were created for relationships. I've thought about how marriage is a picture that represents the trinity in a uniquely special way. But at the same time, I'm not weary of it. I've never heard this stuff before. I grew up in a household where I understood the physical differences between girls and boys, but my Dad never implied we were less than boys. In fact, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted to do, have a career in whatever I pursued, and not be limited by my feminine status. So it was almost a feminist household. The only weird thing was that my mom was really my servant. She did teach me that I wasn't supposed to flirt with boys and that I wasn't supposed to even look at boys. I might as well have worn a burqa. It was a childhood that was strangely patriarchal in some ways, but strangely feminist in other ways.
In the True Woman lesson last week, we talked about Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 where it lists the qualities of a woman who is foolish, and then the qualities in wisdom. Compare:
With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him.
All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast
till an arrow pierces its liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;
he does not know that it will cost him his life.
(Proverbs 7:21-23 ESV)
Take my instruction instead of silver,
and knowledge rather than choice gold,
for wisdom is better than jewels,
and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.
(Proverbs 8:10-11 ESV)
Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh Demoss discuss how much they disliked God's design for womanhood earlier in their lives. I wonder, for those that proclaim Christianity later in their lives, how do they embrace these types of ideas - that woman is created to be a helper (Gen 2:18)? That woman was created to complement man, and that's why she was created out of Adam's rib (Gen 2:22-23)? That man was the leader, and we know this because he was the one that named all of the animals, and he was the one that received the instruction from the Lord on which tree to avoid (Gen 2:16, 2:19) I know that I have softened towards the idea of women being uniquely created, for a purpose, to complement a man (her husband). I am starting to soften towards the idea that the feminist movement really goes against God's design. This is in spite of the fact that I do believe that there were a few good things that came out of the feminist movement - like the ability for woman to be able to vote and the ability for a woman's ideas to be heard. But as in many other movements, once an idea bears fruit, it also gets turned into something more than it ever intended to be. These wacky ideas include: women should be allowed to sleep around with any man (from Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl); women were unfulfilled in their roles as wives and mothers (Betty Friedan); and that women should really become the man they want to marry (Gloria Steinem). These ideas come from what we used to refer to as the women's lib movement. Now it's called feminism.
My friend Dana said this amazing thing, and I'm paraphrasing: "Rather than embracing the idea that our status as women is because of the sin of all of us, we fell prey to sin and blamed the opposite sex for all that ails us." Ultimately, I think how we feel about these truths from the Bible comes back to how God has softened our hearts to hear His word, and how much time we really spend studying it, praying about it, and fellowshipping with others about it.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Busy, busy, busy
Yes, life's been busy. I'm not sure how a full month went by and I haven't written a thing. There's been posts I've started in my head but have not finished. I've had impactful things happen to me but for some reason haven't posted about them. So, I want to rectify that.
First, the activities...
Family: I get to go see my whole family in Chicago at Thanksgiving. Both M and K are going. I can't wait! I've mostly been playing catch up with my parents and my sisters on the phone. I know the sisters have a lot going on, and I haven't been a very good big sister in checking on them. I've been even less of a "good daughter" because I haven't seen my parents since July. Sigh. On the bright side, I have seen M this last week when I made dinner for her and a cute friend of hers. We also met up at a local arts festival yesterday and spent a little time together as a family. And K and I seem to talk a lot. And fight a lot. Yes, that's a bright side.
Boyfriend: We had a wonderful day off when we drove to the beach and back in one day (I'm not kidding). We went to a shrimp festival and then just enjoyed the beach the rest of the day. We walked the pier, played in the ocean, threw a frisbee (I am miserable at that) and a football, and just basked in the glory of God's creation. Sitting on the beach holding hands with someone you care about...doesn't get much better than that.
Volleyball: This month has shown me that it's wise to wait. I didn't say anything to the coach about K's lack of playing despite some people's advice and frustration that was only slightly less than my own, but thanks to my wise boyfriend's advice. And it proved to be smart. She's been playing in every game since late September, pretty much, because Coach changed up the rotation and has one of the other girls rotating in with someone else. So, I've tried to go to as many games as possible. She has played well and she's had a few off games too. The best part of it all is that I'm getting to see her do something she enjoys, work hard at it, get mad because of it, get tired of it, and just be a part of a team. It's what you want to get out of an activity, right?
Work: Overall, it's been such a busy month, it's been making my head spin. We signed a new customer. We're trying to get two customers live on our product on 1/1/2013. We had another customer go live on the first web-only version of our product just last week. We had a customer conference in our town. And, I have employee evaluations due 12/1. It makes me slightly ill just thinking about the next few weeks. There is not a lot of room for chit chat at my job, and if you have the time, people wonder if they can give you more work to do. It's a really great group of people, but there is so much work that it's hard to show progress in one thing because you can't focus on just one thing. And you end up doing only okay when you're trying to do everything. I just walk in every morning thinking, "buckle down and get things done."
Church: Speaking of a lot going on, I think I feel over-committed right now at church. I'm teaching a youth girls bible study. I'm also trying to be involved in the "mercy" part of my job on the women's ministry by talking to a couple of women outside of the church that just need an ear. Between that and proofreading the church magazine, plus trying to go to as many events as I can, then helping to bring food to all of those events, it seems like there is something every time I look up. What I don't want to do is resent the church. Because that's not the point of being part of a body, which is what I'm trying to do. But, I have to remember that I'm still a single mom, and trying to take care of all of the above and still maintain a little sanity can be difficult.
I am grateful to be busy. Let's keep the focus on the fact that I am very blessed even when I forget it.
First, the activities...
Family: I get to go see my whole family in Chicago at Thanksgiving. Both M and K are going. I can't wait! I've mostly been playing catch up with my parents and my sisters on the phone. I know the sisters have a lot going on, and I haven't been a very good big sister in checking on them. I've been even less of a "good daughter" because I haven't seen my parents since July. Sigh. On the bright side, I have seen M this last week when I made dinner for her and a cute friend of hers. We also met up at a local arts festival yesterday and spent a little time together as a family. And K and I seem to talk a lot. And fight a lot. Yes, that's a bright side.
Boyfriend: We had a wonderful day off when we drove to the beach and back in one day (I'm not kidding). We went to a shrimp festival and then just enjoyed the beach the rest of the day. We walked the pier, played in the ocean, threw a frisbee (I am miserable at that) and a football, and just basked in the glory of God's creation. Sitting on the beach holding hands with someone you care about...doesn't get much better than that.
Volleyball: This month has shown me that it's wise to wait. I didn't say anything to the coach about K's lack of playing despite some people's advice and frustration that was only slightly less than my own, but thanks to my wise boyfriend's advice. And it proved to be smart. She's been playing in every game since late September, pretty much, because Coach changed up the rotation and has one of the other girls rotating in with someone else. So, I've tried to go to as many games as possible. She has played well and she's had a few off games too. The best part of it all is that I'm getting to see her do something she enjoys, work hard at it, get mad because of it, get tired of it, and just be a part of a team. It's what you want to get out of an activity, right?
Work: Overall, it's been such a busy month, it's been making my head spin. We signed a new customer. We're trying to get two customers live on our product on 1/1/2013. We had another customer go live on the first web-only version of our product just last week. We had a customer conference in our town. And, I have employee evaluations due 12/1. It makes me slightly ill just thinking about the next few weeks. There is not a lot of room for chit chat at my job, and if you have the time, people wonder if they can give you more work to do. It's a really great group of people, but there is so much work that it's hard to show progress in one thing because you can't focus on just one thing. And you end up doing only okay when you're trying to do everything. I just walk in every morning thinking, "buckle down and get things done."
Church: Speaking of a lot going on, I think I feel over-committed right now at church. I'm teaching a youth girls bible study. I'm also trying to be involved in the "mercy" part of my job on the women's ministry by talking to a couple of women outside of the church that just need an ear. Between that and proofreading the church magazine, plus trying to go to as many events as I can, then helping to bring food to all of those events, it seems like there is something every time I look up. What I don't want to do is resent the church. Because that's not the point of being part of a body, which is what I'm trying to do. But, I have to remember that I'm still a single mom, and trying to take care of all of the above and still maintain a little sanity can be difficult.
I am grateful to be busy. Let's keep the focus on the fact that I am very blessed even when I forget it.
Monday, September 17, 2012
The bounty
My life has its difficult moments. I get frustrated for various reasons: motherhood, career, family, church. Lack of maturity, lack of grace, lack of humility. Relationships with anyone...frustrations with everyone. Yet there are times when I see rays of light. I saw one such ray of light on Sunday.
10+ years ago, I went to a fellowship group at my friends' house. I had some dear friends named Bryan and Kathy that shepherded our group; they'd been walking with me as I struggled with my husband leaving. I struggled with asking him to leave. I wept at home, I wept at work, I wept going to sleep. Those had been private weepings because I didn't want to admit my weakness and my absolute despair that my marriage was ending. At this fellowship group, I was surrounded by some wonderful church friends. That fellowship group was the first one that I attended since I'd been separated. And as I stated my prayer requests back then, I broke down, weeping publicly. Kathy came over and hugged me, allowing me to say things that I don't remember. No one judged. Everyone cared. And everyone prayed for me.
I've been going to fellowship groups off and on over the last ten years. My shepherding elder has changed. My church has changed. This past Sunday night, I brought someone that I am dating to my group. I've never done that before; I've always gone by myself. I hadn't even been the one to invite him, my shepherding elder had invited him, yet it felt right. And as we begun to pray, I was overcome, I nearly broke down again in tears - remembering back to my brokenness and weeping over a destroyed marriage.
God had given me a gift. An insight that there are still possibilities for me. My romantic life didn't end at 30.
No one there knew this. I didn't announce it. It was just a beautiful moment. And I'm grateful.
10+ years ago, I went to a fellowship group at my friends' house. I had some dear friends named Bryan and Kathy that shepherded our group; they'd been walking with me as I struggled with my husband leaving. I struggled with asking him to leave. I wept at home, I wept at work, I wept going to sleep. Those had been private weepings because I didn't want to admit my weakness and my absolute despair that my marriage was ending. At this fellowship group, I was surrounded by some wonderful church friends. That fellowship group was the first one that I attended since I'd been separated. And as I stated my prayer requests back then, I broke down, weeping publicly. Kathy came over and hugged me, allowing me to say things that I don't remember. No one judged. Everyone cared. And everyone prayed for me.
I've been going to fellowship groups off and on over the last ten years. My shepherding elder has changed. My church has changed. This past Sunday night, I brought someone that I am dating to my group. I've never done that before; I've always gone by myself. I hadn't even been the one to invite him, my shepherding elder had invited him, yet it felt right. And as we begun to pray, I was overcome, I nearly broke down again in tears - remembering back to my brokenness and weeping over a destroyed marriage.
God had given me a gift. An insight that there are still possibilities for me. My romantic life didn't end at 30.
No one there knew this. I didn't announce it. It was just a beautiful moment. And I'm grateful.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sensitivity, and why I try to care more about it
I made someone cry today.
I don't know this person very well. However, I make decisions that impact their daily life. I have to sit in judgment on how this person acts at work and does their tasks at work. It's part of my job. I also am not going to sit and just tell someone my opinion without trying to at least back it up with proof. Sometimes, that can be difficult.
I've been reading a bible study guide called "True Woman 101" by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. We are making a youth bible study out of it. And guess who's leading it up? First of all, you should question the sanity of a church that allows material called "True Woman" to be taught by a faux-Indian-divorced-single-mom that goes to DragonCon. What is that about, anyway?
You would think, after all the studying I've been doing on women lately, that I would understand by now that my womanhood has special meaning in the eyes of the Lord. The guide talks about how the unique characteristics inherent in manhood and womanhood can glorify God when brought together. Yes yes yes! We are equally and wonderfully created in the eyes of the Lord. We come from the dust of the earth, and we are made in His image. This truth is easily forgettable in light of, well, just waking up in the morning. Just breathing. We're weak clay vessels.
When I go to work and have 10,000 things to do, I forget this. I remember that I have authority. I remember that I can tell people what to do. I think that it's okay for me to say, "this is in the top five worst list and here's why." Yes, I did say something like that today.
If you've never had anyone cry in front of you while you tried to be constructive, be glad. It's humbling to know your words can have such an impact. It's scary to think that you might ruin someone's day. It's also important that your words are heard, because you might actually have something to say. What I tried to keep in mind was, "this person is fearfully and wonderfully made." I prayed before this meeting. I don't know if it helped. I have to trust that it did.
I don't know this person very well. However, I make decisions that impact their daily life. I have to sit in judgment on how this person acts at work and does their tasks at work. It's part of my job. I also am not going to sit and just tell someone my opinion without trying to at least back it up with proof. Sometimes, that can be difficult.
I've been reading a bible study guide called "True Woman 101" by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. We are making a youth bible study out of it. And guess who's leading it up? First of all, you should question the sanity of a church that allows material called "True Woman" to be taught by a faux-Indian-divorced-single-mom that goes to DragonCon. What is that about, anyway?
You would think, after all the studying I've been doing on women lately, that I would understand by now that my womanhood has special meaning in the eyes of the Lord. The guide talks about how the unique characteristics inherent in manhood and womanhood can glorify God when brought together. Yes yes yes! We are equally and wonderfully created in the eyes of the Lord. We come from the dust of the earth, and we are made in His image. This truth is easily forgettable in light of, well, just waking up in the morning. Just breathing. We're weak clay vessels.
When I go to work and have 10,000 things to do, I forget this. I remember that I have authority. I remember that I can tell people what to do. I think that it's okay for me to say, "this is in the top five worst list and here's why." Yes, I did say something like that today.
If you've never had anyone cry in front of you while you tried to be constructive, be glad. It's humbling to know your words can have such an impact. It's scary to think that you might ruin someone's day. It's also important that your words are heard, because you might actually have something to say. What I tried to keep in mind was, "this person is fearfully and wonderfully made." I prayed before this meeting. I don't know if it helped. I have to trust that it did.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Home
When I was young, I was dissatisfied with my home. This is a bit embarrassing to admit, because my mom did try to invite my friends over on birthdays, and she liked to throw parties for our Indian friends. I usually helped her clean the house while she prepared all sorts of Indian foods and snacks. Papadum, lentil fritters, pakora, puris (appetizers); rasamalai, carrot halva, gulab jamun (desserts); rasams, kooras of ALL sorts (main dishes). It's amazing that I can recall this because my memory is so hazy from those days. But the smells and flavors from those dishes bring back many memories. I also thought that when mom cooked, the house just plain smelled. And by that I mean, not in a good way. Man, was I ungrateful.
As a teen, I didn't understand why we never had American friends to dinner. I only invited a couple of people of my age over, and when we did, we mainly watched movies and played on my Atari 2600. When we had Indian parties, the men would stay in one room, and the women would stay in another. There were political and sports discussions in the men's area, and there were family and children discussions in the women's area (and maybe some gossip). I know, this is extremely stereotypical, but that's the way the parties occurred with the Indians in Montgomery, Alabama. The kids usually needed a different room to cavort around in, and cavort we did. We played games, played outside if we could, and we also...fought. We would try to have a sort of a wrestling match, usually girls against guys (if our parents caught us at this, we'd sometimes get in trouble). I was the head of the girls, usually; big surprise, right?. We had a timed effort where we would just pound on each other. I feel stupid even typing this. I will admit that this stopped around the time we were around fourteen. Thank goodness.
Once I had my own kids, I've had different people over to my house. Not often, but I have. Usually, it's the girls' friends. We've had birthday parties for the girls, of course, but I'd try to have their friends over to spend the night, and I'd try to take them out places sometimes sinceI don't have a ton of activities at my house, either. More than my parents, for sure, but no pool or large activity room. Which I think is fine.
I've realized as my girls are older that home is more than a place. It's a feeling, too. It's a sense of welcome. It's a desire for real friendship, not fake or surface fellowship. It's a hope that you can be real in front of others, instead of having "company" manners or habits. I would hope that if my house is a bit cluttered, my real friends wouldn't judge. My main struggle on having friends over is that I have a hard time letting go of the "tasks" that need to be done. I would like to not worry about doing things right. I'm getting better at it. If the bread burns, I usually just shrug my shoulders. If I don't have exactly what's needed for serving tea, it's okay. If I don't have dessert, I'll make the best of it.
I love this post by Tim Challies on having people over. I hope I continue to do this even as my children grow up and move away. Don't even like to think about it, but it's happening as we speak.
As a teen, I didn't understand why we never had American friends to dinner. I only invited a couple of people of my age over, and when we did, we mainly watched movies and played on my Atari 2600. When we had Indian parties, the men would stay in one room, and the women would stay in another. There were political and sports discussions in the men's area, and there were family and children discussions in the women's area (and maybe some gossip). I know, this is extremely stereotypical, but that's the way the parties occurred with the Indians in Montgomery, Alabama. The kids usually needed a different room to cavort around in, and cavort we did. We played games, played outside if we could, and we also...fought. We would try to have a sort of a wrestling match, usually girls against guys (if our parents caught us at this, we'd sometimes get in trouble). I was the head of the girls, usually; big surprise, right?. We had a timed effort where we would just pound on each other. I feel stupid even typing this. I will admit that this stopped around the time we were around fourteen. Thank goodness.
Once I had my own kids, I've had different people over to my house. Not often, but I have. Usually, it's the girls' friends. We've had birthday parties for the girls, of course, but I'd try to have their friends over to spend the night, and I'd try to take them out places sometimes sinceI don't have a ton of activities at my house, either. More than my parents, for sure, but no pool or large activity room. Which I think is fine.
I've realized as my girls are older that home is more than a place. It's a feeling, too. It's a sense of welcome. It's a desire for real friendship, not fake or surface fellowship. It's a hope that you can be real in front of others, instead of having "company" manners or habits. I would hope that if my house is a bit cluttered, my real friends wouldn't judge. My main struggle on having friends over is that I have a hard time letting go of the "tasks" that need to be done. I would like to not worry about doing things right. I'm getting better at it. If the bread burns, I usually just shrug my shoulders. If I don't have exactly what's needed for serving tea, it's okay. If I don't have dessert, I'll make the best of it.
I love this post by Tim Challies on having people over. I hope I continue to do this even as my children grow up and move away. Don't even like to think about it, but it's happening as we speak.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Grumpy Mom
I feel a little bitter. And a little angry. Yes, thank you, now who can I take this out on?
My daughter K is on the varsity volleyball team. I wanted her to play club volleyball in the spring so she could keep up her skills and learn new ones. I also thought it would help her when she played this year. And it was hard, but she did it! And she was good at it. Then, when she made varsity volleyball last spring, I was really happy for her...
...until last weekend. I didn't go to the volleyball tournament on Friday, and she apparently got to play some. However, I went on Saturday, and she didn't play at all. At all. There were a few other girls that didn't either.
And as a mother, my protective instincts are showing up, in my head anyway.
"Do you realize how GOOD she is?"
"She was one of the star players on club!"
"She's very consistent and she has a great attitude."
"How much do I pay for her to be on this team again?"
"Are you crazy, why are you not putting her in?"
And it goes progressively downhill from there. How easy it is for our circumstances to rule our emotional well-being. I just want to be RIGHT. I just want to get MY WAY. And get OUT OF THE WAY if you mess with my kid, OKAY?
This is what she got as the response when she asked about why she wasn't playing:
"You're an underclassman."
"You're not quite as powerful as the other right-handed hitter."
"We have three right-handed hitters and I can only sub one in per game."
GRRR. Yes. I need grace. I need mercy. I need the gospel.
My daughter K is on the varsity volleyball team. I wanted her to play club volleyball in the spring so she could keep up her skills and learn new ones. I also thought it would help her when she played this year. And it was hard, but she did it! And she was good at it. Then, when she made varsity volleyball last spring, I was really happy for her...
...until last weekend. I didn't go to the volleyball tournament on Friday, and she apparently got to play some. However, I went on Saturday, and she didn't play at all. At all. There were a few other girls that didn't either.
And as a mother, my protective instincts are showing up, in my head anyway.
"Do you realize how GOOD she is?"
"She was one of the star players on club!"
"She's very consistent and she has a great attitude."
"How much do I pay for her to be on this team again?"
"Are you crazy, why are you not putting her in?"
And it goes progressively downhill from there. How easy it is for our circumstances to rule our emotional well-being. I just want to be RIGHT. I just want to get MY WAY. And get OUT OF THE WAY if you mess with my kid, OKAY?
This is what she got as the response when she asked about why she wasn't playing:
"You're an underclassman."
"You're not quite as powerful as the other right-handed hitter."
"We have three right-handed hitters and I can only sub one in per game."
GRRR. Yes. I need grace. I need mercy. I need the gospel.
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