Unexpectedness in the Normal

I was watching Parenthood tonight. I typically have an emotional crying moment at one point in each episode. For some reason, I just love that show; the families, the real fighting, the frustration, and even the funny happy moments. Anyway, it dawned on me tonight how much I identify with the single mother on that show (Sarah). She's funny, has made mistakes, fights tooth-and-nail for her kids, and has fears and dreams like I do. I am not a carbon copy of her by any means. However, 20 years ago, if you'd have told me that I'd identify with the single moms in TV shows, what would I have thought?

"How sad!"
"Did my husband die?"
"I have kids?"
"I don't believe in divorce. What are you talking about?"

Yeah, that was me. I didn't really have a mapped out life like some people, but I knew I was heading for a good career, probably in a big city, and I wanted adventure. I wanted to meet people, travel, and learn about different cultures. What the hell did I know? I was kind of an idiot. Completely sheltered. Unaware of crude jokes. No knowledge of boys, men, or boyz-to-men. Not much knowledge of what it took to raise a kid. Pretty unfamiliar with taking care of a house.

I love, love, love my kids. Unquestionably. I just never expected to be in this position of being a single mom. I never expected that my marriage wouldn't last. I never expected to identify with characters like Sarah Braverman, Lorelai Gilmore, Kate and Allie, Alice...and the list goes on. There is heartache in this place, but there's also sweetness. There's hardship and worry and a lack of self-esteem. There's also self-confidence, grace, and forgiveness. There's jealousy, sometimes, over other people's seemingly working relationships. There's also no-holds-barred glee, sometimes, that I get the remote. There's scary decisions to make by myself. There's no one to run these by, so there's a reliance on prayer.

I wonder, sometimes, what I would be like if none of this had happened. But I don't think about it long. I think about what an innocent I was 20 years ago.