The Agony and the Ecstasy of Parenting

Last week, I spent a week getting to know my nieces. One is 6, the other is two weeks old. The thing that shocked me was the pang I felt in caring for them. I helped my six-year-old niece with taking showers. I sat with her as she ate her meals. I played in the sprinkler with her and also played with her in the park. We made a craft box together. With my baby niece, I held her, kissed her, and even fed her from a bottle (she is breast fed so that was a little unusual). I observed, observed, observed. And reminisced.

I'm overwhelmed right now as I write this. My babies aren't quite grown. But it's been a long time since I did anything like this with either of them. And you miss it. You don't think you will because for crying out loud, it's hard work. But the sweetness of their desire for you to pay attention is not quite as pronounced when they get older. I don't have to tie shoelaces anymore. Or buckle seatbelts. Or make sure they've wiped properly (sorry). I don't have to comfort them in the middle of the night when there's a bad dream. Or be their girl scout troop leader. Or go to New Orleans on a field trip. I don't argue with them about their Limited Too purchases anymore. I don't force feed them with vegetables, or withhold dessert. I don't have daily devotions with them, or coach them in catechism memorization. I don't have to wake them up in the morning, or lock them in their room at night (a story for another day). No more spankings, or teaching them about how to put things away.

Instead, we talk. We laugh. We watch TV or movies. We discuss God's sovereignty. We discuss relationships. I'm teaching one to learn how to drive. The other is learning about how many boxes of checks to take to her summer job. I still discipline, at least the youngest one. I still nag. I still worry. still pray. Maybe I pray even more now. My friend Bonnie sent me this blogpost last summer, which I found very comforting.

A lot of times, I'm glad that I don't have to worry about the day to day caregiving anymore. However, sometimes this stuff really hits me.