I often talk about KK having a hard time with changes. I will talk about her reluctance to go to preschool, and how she cried every day for about three months. Then, she had the hardest time with Kindergarten, and wishing she were back at preschool. Ditto with middle school, and high school. But when I look at my own non-checkered and boring past, I can't say that I am much better. Note that I am not living in the big city like my sisters, I really only live two hours away from my parents. And I've been here since I went to college. I've been at the same job for 16 years now. I lived a very single life for about 10 years. Change? I run screaming from it.
This year is smack full of it. KK will be graduating and I will be getting married. And I'm slightly fearful in the same way I'd be fearful if I were starting a new job, or moving to a new town. I'd be questioning my every decision, wondering why I didn't stick it out and persevere in my previous state. It's not that I don't want KK to graduate, or that I don't love my fiance. Quite the contrary. I know this is right. However, in my head, I might be ready for change, but in my heart, I struggle with the flux and feelings and discomfort that come with life changes.
And then thankfully, the word of God penetrates my stubborn consciousness. This is something that doesn't always happen but it calms me like nothing else. From 1 Corinthians 5:17: "The old shall pass away, and the new shall come." We were made into a new creation, and that change was the biggest of all. And I didn't even realize it at the time! Many Christian fictional books present the idea that there is such a peace that comes over you when you become a believer, and people just become gentler and "good" all of a sudden. I didn't have that, and I don't think many believers do. I didn't have that moment of "oh, everything is good now!" It has come from long study and a desire to learn more about Him, and a desire to focus less on me.
How can we handle change? Knowing there is a purpose, and that God will sustain and keep us. Knowing that there are good things coming, and that when there are hard times, that I can lean on Him. Knowing I have memories of the previous way things were, and that I have peace about those times. Knowing that I've had bad times but God worked things out for the good of those who love Him.
No resolutions this year. Just a desire to hang on for the roller coaster ride and enjoy it.
From Ecclesiastes 3:
1For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment