On Thursday night, Beth and I drove around I-359 and then Hargrove/Hackberry; we also went to the hospital to view the damage from the 6th floor. Broken car windows. Fallen trees. People walking everywhere.
On Friday, we got up at 5 and watched the royal wedding. We were so excited to realize we had cable at Beth's. She and I just wanted to see the silly thing. She woke me, and we got in her living room and spoke in British accents and made fun of hats. Seemed so frivolous, yet something I needed to do at the same time. I left for work early, and spent the whole day at work, doing who knows what. The one thing I do remember is going up to the roof at 10 am and watching Air Force One fly in.
I worked this weekend at different houses. Rosemont. Cedar Crest. Claymont. All neighborhoods I've driven by or through. Devastated beyond belief. I spent time assessing devastation, dragging tree limbs, packing up personal belongings, moving bricks, seeing people take care of one another.
I've been blogging about this to help me. However, this "healing process" from the tornado seems kind of shallow for me. My house lost power. I got it back on Saturday and almost cried at the supermarket while buying groceries. WTF, really. My sense of normal has changed, but my house is still here. So is my family. I still feel a sense of heaviness. And powerlessness. And a need to do something. Even though I did stuff this weekend, the loss is still there. Being at home for a few days now makes me realize that I miss the companionship in sharing with another adult and talking through emotions, experiences, and silly things, too.
We heard on Sunday from the pulpit - several verses from the book of Job, chapter 38.
25 "Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain and a way for the thunderbolt, 26 to bring rain on a land where no man is, on the desert in which there is no man, 27 to satisfy the waste and desolate land, and to make the ground sprout with grass? 28 "Has the rain a father, or who has begotten the drops of dew? 29 From whose womb did the ice come forth, and who has given birth to the frost of heaven? 30 The waters become hard like stone, and the face of the deep is frozen. 31 "Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion? 32 Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth in their season, or can you guide the Bear with its children? 33 Do you know the ordinances of the heavens? Can you establish their rule on the earth? 34 "Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, that a flood of waters may cover you? 35 Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say to you, 'Here we are'? 36 Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind? 37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom? Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens, 38 when the dust runs into a mass and the clods stick fast together?"
This is God. We must hold Him in awe. We must realize we are NOT in control. He has the power to giveth and He has the power to taketh away. And that is the way it must be, if anything in this world is His. Help me, Lord. I desire to be held, to be protected, to be comforted right now. I do not often feel this way for a long period of time; I've learned to block that, so I usually only feel it for moments at a time. But I've needed a long hug for days now, but my heart knows it needs You in that hug. Lord, draw me to You and only You. Help me desire to worship You first and foremost rather than the "work" that is so draining. Help me to do the work when I'm called, but only in gratitude out of what You have done for me.
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