I feel a little bitter. And a little angry. Yes, thank you, now who can I take this out on?
My daughter K is on the varsity volleyball team. I wanted her to play club volleyball in the spring so she could keep up her skills and learn new ones. I also thought it would help her when she played this year. And it was hard, but she did it! And she was good at it. Then, when she made varsity volleyball last spring, I was really happy for her...
...until last weekend. I didn't go to the volleyball tournament on Friday, and she apparently got to play some. However, I went on Saturday, and she didn't play at all. At all. There were a few other girls that didn't either.
And as a mother, my protective instincts are showing up, in my head anyway.
"Do you realize how GOOD she is?"
"She was one of the star players on club!"
"She's very consistent and she has a great attitude."
"How much do I pay for her to be on this team again?"
"Are you crazy, why are you not putting her in?"
And it goes progressively downhill from there. How easy it is for our circumstances to rule our emotional well-being. I just want to be RIGHT. I just want to get MY WAY. And get OUT OF THE WAY if you mess with my kid, OKAY?
This is what she got as the response when she asked about why she wasn't playing:
"You're an underclassman."
"You're not quite as powerful as the other right-handed hitter."
"We have three right-handed hitters and I can only sub one in per game."
GRRR. Yes. I need grace. I need mercy. I need the gospel.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Two weeks of crazy
The last two weeks have been a maelstrom of activity. I like that word, maelstrom. It reminds me of that ride at Disneyworld in the Norwegian land, in Epcot. It's such a silly ride but we always go because we just want to stop walking! Epcot is one of the largest parks there, after all.
Anyway, I'm going to detail out a list of our family's activity.
Sunday, August 12 - church, dinner with M and K - sort of our last dinner as a family before M moved out.
The week of Aug 13 - Volleyball two-a-days all week.
Monday, August 13 - M moved out to her new place. It's a condo, and she's staying with one of her friends from her first year of college who I love, and whose family I love. Then, K also invited some friends to spend the night, so we went to Taziki's and ate and then went bowling. Fun times!
Tuesday, August 14 - dinner with Beth and her girls, then painting pictures for fun.
Thursday, August 16 - Dessert night and the last night of summer bible study! Read "Girls Gone Wise" which sounds a little sketchy but had some really good, biblically-based truths. You can get it at this link.
Friday, August 17 - My friend Lynn's 40th birthday party! We had a spend-the-night gig at Amanda's and went out to Fig for appetizers. We even did a shot with some whipped cream vodka. We also played a board game based on Awkward Family Photos. Lots of giggling with hilarious women.
Saturday, August 18 - Went four wheeling for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his daughter. Then went out for dinner and watched the third Bourne movie. What a great day!
Monday, August 20 - First day of 10th grade for K. What? WHAT?! We also found a rug and duvet cover for her room while bargain shopping that day. Woot woot!
Thursday, August 23 - took some soup to M, who was under the weather, and it was only the second day of class for her. She is a trooper.
Friday, August 24 - Worked at a Habitat For Humanity house for the first time in my life. Got to use a nail gun to put in window casings, then built some window casings with a miter saw and a table saw. We met the homeowner, Earlene Jemison, who was adorable. It was an amazing day but man was I wiped afterward!
Saturday, August 25 - K's first volleyball tournament. She didn't play at all (on Sat, she did play on Friday, but I played hooky that day). We then went shopping and headed towards our friends' the Ditoros for a book club event. Delicious food and a bloody mary to boot!
So...not much time to write. Only a little time to think. But good, clean fun. Well, the four wheeling was a little dirty...
Anyway, I'm going to detail out a list of our family's activity.
Sunday, August 12 - church, dinner with M and K - sort of our last dinner as a family before M moved out.
The week of Aug 13 - Volleyball two-a-days all week.
Monday, August 13 - M moved out to her new place. It's a condo, and she's staying with one of her friends from her first year of college who I love, and whose family I love. Then, K also invited some friends to spend the night, so we went to Taziki's and ate and then went bowling. Fun times!
Tuesday, August 14 - dinner with Beth and her girls, then painting pictures for fun.
Thursday, August 16 - Dessert night and the last night of summer bible study! Read "Girls Gone Wise" which sounds a little sketchy but had some really good, biblically-based truths. You can get it at this link.
Friday, August 17 - My friend Lynn's 40th birthday party! We had a spend-the-night gig at Amanda's and went out to Fig for appetizers. We even did a shot with some whipped cream vodka. We also played a board game based on Awkward Family Photos. Lots of giggling with hilarious women.
Saturday, August 18 - Went four wheeling for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his daughter. Then went out for dinner and watched the third Bourne movie. What a great day!
Monday, August 20 - First day of 10th grade for K. What? WHAT?! We also found a rug and duvet cover for her room while bargain shopping that day. Woot woot!
Thursday, August 23 - took some soup to M, who was under the weather, and it was only the second day of class for her. She is a trooper.
Friday, August 24 - Worked at a Habitat For Humanity house for the first time in my life. Got to use a nail gun to put in window casings, then built some window casings with a miter saw and a table saw. We met the homeowner, Earlene Jemison, who was adorable. It was an amazing day but man was I wiped afterward!
Saturday, August 25 - K's first volleyball tournament. She didn't play at all (on Sat, she did play on Friday, but I played hooky that day). We then went shopping and headed towards our friends' the Ditoros for a book club event. Delicious food and a bloody mary to boot!
So...not much time to write. Only a little time to think. But good, clean fun. Well, the four wheeling was a little dirty...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Marriage and its Seeming Impossibleness
As someone who has been single for ten years, I think about marriage a lot. And not in a "27 Dresses" kind of way.
I've already posted about men and women and their roles.
I've already talked about how I'm an unexpected single mom.
I never understood that marital strife was common when I was married. Back then, I thought those tough times during marriage happened only to me. I thought I was long-suffering in some cases, and in others, I was not very good at being a partner. I thought it was about compromise. And I did think that we lost pieces of ourselves in marriage, but it was for the greater purpose of the family.
"How strange," I think, now. "Did I even understand anything?" I puzzle and grieve over my own sin pretty much every day. If you don't get the idea of sin and total depravity right, any humility you have will be false. And, you will not get it when you see your own sin staring back at you in an argument that you didn't start.
Here are some issues I didn't see that could help with my sanctification:
Moodiness. It happens to one of you, and the other has to deal with it.
Disagreements over _____ (money, raising kids, how to fold clothes, name it). One of you must be right, don't you think?
Not being enough to make the other person feel better. Isn't that what love is?
Temper. Enough said.
What are you saying? Sometimes you're just on two different wavelengths.
Body language that is so obviously saying something. No, I didn't just roll my eyes.
Foot in mouth disease. Did I just put you down, and in front of others? That's not what I meant.
Any of this sound familiar? It takes me back to how absolutely human I was. How human I still am. Just because I understand sin a little better (thanks to the Holy Spirit) doesn't mean that I won't fall prey to these thought patterns now. (yes, I know that was a double negative, get over it).
I've been exposed to people going through marital difficulties for the past four years. I've listened to them, talked with them about how they're acting, feeling, and reacting. I even spent some time recently with a non-believing couple. Boy, that was impossible for me to know what to say. After all, with all of the aforementioned issues, how is marriage supposed to thrive? The simple answer is that it's almost impossible without the gospel.
I don't claim to be a marital counselor. However, I also know that it takes two people in a marriage. It's usually one that wants to leave. Before it gets to that point, this is some of what I've learned that I didn't apply to my own marriage:
Here's another interesting point: I'm still being sanctified as a divorced Christian. To God be the glory.
I've already posted about men and women and their roles.
I've already talked about how I'm an unexpected single mom.
But I haven't talked about how hard my marriage was at times, and how I've seen this reflected in other marriages. I haven't talked about our Sunday School class that we're in right now that is NOT ABOUT MARRIAGE (the elders repeat this over and over, it makes me laugh) but is rather about men and women. There are constant refrains in the lessons, though, and one of them is that we are sanctified through marriage. Sanctified. Big theological word. I define it as being made holy. Here's a post about sanctification, from ligonier.org, RC Sproul's ministry. It mentions the Westminster Shorter Catechism definition, which says "sanctification is “the work of God’s free grace, whereby we are renewed in the whole man after the image of God, and are enabled more and more to die unto sin, and live unto righteousness.”
I never understood that marital strife was common when I was married. Back then, I thought those tough times during marriage happened only to me. I thought I was long-suffering in some cases, and in others, I was not very good at being a partner. I thought it was about compromise. And I did think that we lost pieces of ourselves in marriage, but it was for the greater purpose of the family.
"How strange," I think, now. "Did I even understand anything?" I puzzle and grieve over my own sin pretty much every day. If you don't get the idea of sin and total depravity right, any humility you have will be false. And, you will not get it when you see your own sin staring back at you in an argument that you didn't start.
Here are some issues I didn't see that could help with my sanctification:
Moodiness. It happens to one of you, and the other has to deal with it.
Disagreements over _____ (money, raising kids, how to fold clothes, name it). One of you must be right, don't you think?
Not being enough to make the other person feel better. Isn't that what love is?
Temper. Enough said.
What are you saying? Sometimes you're just on two different wavelengths.
Body language that is so obviously saying something. No, I didn't just roll my eyes.
Foot in mouth disease. Did I just put you down, and in front of others? That's not what I meant.
Any of this sound familiar? It takes me back to how absolutely human I was. How human I still am. Just because I understand sin a little better (thanks to the Holy Spirit) doesn't mean that I won't fall prey to these thought patterns now. (yes, I know that was a double negative, get over it).
I've been exposed to people going through marital difficulties for the past four years. I've listened to them, talked with them about how they're acting, feeling, and reacting. I even spent some time recently with a non-believing couple. Boy, that was impossible for me to know what to say. After all, with all of the aforementioned issues, how is marriage supposed to thrive? The simple answer is that it's almost impossible without the gospel.
I don't claim to be a marital counselor. However, I also know that it takes two people in a marriage. It's usually one that wants to leave. Before it gets to that point, this is some of what I've learned that I didn't apply to my own marriage:
- Marriage is not for you to be happy. It is designed to be God-glorifying, so He must come first.
- It is designed to sanctify you.
- Marriage is NOT supposed to be easy. Two sinners living in a fishbowl, and all that.
- There should be compromise in marriage, but ultimately, there should be one person that is held accountable for the decision-making. Yes, it's the man. So, marry someone who will make decisions you can support.
- God makes things right. Not you. Listen to Him.
Here's another interesting point: I'm still being sanctified as a divorced Christian. To God be the glory.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Fence
I've had sort of an emotional couple of weeks and haven't blogged about them. It's difficult to know where to start. So, I think I'll avoid the most personal topics and go to one that addresses something very public but also reveals my heart.
In the last couple of weeks, there was a furor on Facebook over Chick Fil A. I have friends on both sides of the fence so I saw a lot of divided posts. It's actually kind of funny, looking back. However, last week, I just got plain tired of it all. Frankly, I read too much.
Just to link to a few of the pertinent articles from some of the "chick fil a sucks" side:
http://matthewpaulturner.net/blog/5-reasons-why-the-church-failed-yesterday/?wpmp_tp=0
http://oddmanout.net/post/28484026012/chick-fil-activism
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/01/chick-fil-a-anti-gay-controversy-employees-speak-out_n_1729968.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=3151290,b=facebook
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/conor-gaughan/chick-fil-a-homophobia_b_1711566.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Then, the articles from the "chick fil a rocks" side:
http://www.grbc.net/blog/2012/08/01/why-i-plan-to-eat-at-chick-fil-a-today/
http://www.dennyburk.com/two-lies-about-chick-fil-a-perpetuated-in-the-media/
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/07/in-defense-of-eating-at-chick-fil-a/260139/#.UBAtOA2J9ZE.facebook
Then you have those that counseled both sides:
http://rachelheldevans.com/chick-fil-a#.UBn0r_PJLRk.facebook
In reviewing the posts/articles, you might notice a common theme. The first side categorizes ChickFilA's stance as anti-human-rights, anti-church, anti-gay. The second side categorizes it as pro-family, pro-free-speech, pro-tolerance. Yes, I said pro-tolerance. So what's the common theme? For the most part, each side didn't necessarily argue against each other. They argued points to support what they wanted to believe and didn't acknowledge the fallacies in the positions they supported. The whole thing frustrated me, but it also made me wonder which side I was actually on.
First, as a Christian who holds scripture as God-breathed and inerrant (all of it, not parts of it), I uphold that marriage is between a man and a woman. It's clear in Genesis and in 1 Corinthians, amongst other scripture. It's not my words, but God's words. I have wrestled and wrestled about my attitudes towards gays. I have a dear wonderful close friend who is gay. I have other acquaintances that are gay. Some are Christians. Some might question how gay people can be Christian, but then I remember that my own sin colors everything I do and I am in Jesus' family; how is my sin less than theirs? The answers on how Christians should treat gay people are not pat by any means. Regardless, getting back to marriage, I think Dan Cathy's comments were meant to support scripture. I think his wording was carefully chosen. He said, " 'We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit,' he said. 'We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.' " Quite frankly, I could be offended; I'm not married to my first spouse. I also think without the Holy Spirit, his wording would be seen as hate-filled. I completely agreed with the Atlantic when the editor asks, "Do we really want our commercial lives and our political lives to be so wholly intermeshed? And is this really the kind of culture we want to create?"
But then I saw the glut of posts from my friends in the Christian south. And I have to admit, I started to get a little frustrated. Partly because I was wondering if they were supporting a business, or really trying to support scripture? And my problem with the latter was, do these people actually go to church more than they go to Chick Fil A and tithe to it, support it, love it? Christ loved the church! Let's brag about our churches first, and a fast food restaurant maybe 10th. I also read a bit more and realized that Chick Fil A contributes to organizations that link gays to pedophiles. That just bothers me.
Quite frankly, I like Chick Fil A's food. I like their clean restaurants. I like their service. If they give money to those types of groups, shame on them. But I'd bet Disney, which I also love, gives money to groups that I don't support either.
Yeah, I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on, exactly. I don't necessarily support any of these "political" groups. I want to get to the idols in my own heart and stop trying to be right all the time...I want to love the Lord Jesus with all my heart and go from there.
And, in other news, the Olympics, which is supposed to model peace and unity across the nations, goes on in London.
In the last couple of weeks, there was a furor on Facebook over Chick Fil A. I have friends on both sides of the fence so I saw a lot of divided posts. It's actually kind of funny, looking back. However, last week, I just got plain tired of it all. Frankly, I read too much.
Just to link to a few of the pertinent articles from some of the "chick fil a sucks" side:
http://matthewpaulturner.net/blog/5-reasons-why-the-church-failed-yesterday/?wpmp_tp=0
http://oddmanout.net/post/28484026012/chick-fil-activism
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/01/chick-fil-a-anti-gay-controversy-employees-speak-out_n_1729968.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=3151290,b=facebook
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/conor-gaughan/chick-fil-a-homophobia_b_1711566.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Then, the articles from the "chick fil a rocks" side:
http://www.grbc.net/blog/2012/08/01/why-i-plan-to-eat-at-chick-fil-a-today/
http://www.dennyburk.com/two-lies-about-chick-fil-a-perpetuated-in-the-media/
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/07/in-defense-of-eating-at-chick-fil-a/260139/#.UBAtOA2J9ZE.facebook
Then you have those that counseled both sides:
http://rachelheldevans.com/chick-fil-a#.UBn0r_PJLRk.facebook
In reviewing the posts/articles, you might notice a common theme. The first side categorizes ChickFilA's stance as anti-human-rights, anti-church, anti-gay. The second side categorizes it as pro-family, pro-free-speech, pro-tolerance. Yes, I said pro-tolerance. So what's the common theme? For the most part, each side didn't necessarily argue against each other. They argued points to support what they wanted to believe and didn't acknowledge the fallacies in the positions they supported. The whole thing frustrated me, but it also made me wonder which side I was actually on.
First, as a Christian who holds scripture as God-breathed and inerrant (all of it, not parts of it), I uphold that marriage is between a man and a woman. It's clear in Genesis and in 1 Corinthians, amongst other scripture. It's not my words, but God's words. I have wrestled and wrestled about my attitudes towards gays. I have a dear wonderful close friend who is gay. I have other acquaintances that are gay. Some are Christians. Some might question how gay people can be Christian, but then I remember that my own sin colors everything I do and I am in Jesus' family; how is my sin less than theirs? The answers on how Christians should treat gay people are not pat by any means. Regardless, getting back to marriage, I think Dan Cathy's comments were meant to support scripture. I think his wording was carefully chosen. He said, " 'We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit,' he said. 'We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.' " Quite frankly, I could be offended; I'm not married to my first spouse. I also think without the Holy Spirit, his wording would be seen as hate-filled. I completely agreed with the Atlantic when the editor asks, "Do we really want our commercial lives and our political lives to be so wholly intermeshed? And is this really the kind of culture we want to create?"
But then I saw the glut of posts from my friends in the Christian south. And I have to admit, I started to get a little frustrated. Partly because I was wondering if they were supporting a business, or really trying to support scripture? And my problem with the latter was, do these people actually go to church more than they go to Chick Fil A and tithe to it, support it, love it? Christ loved the church! Let's brag about our churches first, and a fast food restaurant maybe 10th. I also read a bit more and realized that Chick Fil A contributes to organizations that link gays to pedophiles. That just bothers me.
Quite frankly, I like Chick Fil A's food. I like their clean restaurants. I like their service. If they give money to those types of groups, shame on them. But I'd bet Disney, which I also love, gives money to groups that I don't support either.
Yeah, I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on, exactly. I don't necessarily support any of these "political" groups. I want to get to the idols in my own heart and stop trying to be right all the time...I want to love the Lord Jesus with all my heart and go from there.
And, in other news, the Olympics, which is supposed to model peace and unity across the nations, goes on in London.
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