When I was young, I watched Little House on the Prairie. I didn't just watch it, I memorized the series. I would be very, very surprised if there is an episode I haven't seen. Every day, I'd come home, get a snack, turn on the TV, open up my notebook, and then...I'd write down the name of the Little House epsiode that was showing that day. For what reason, I do not know. I just did this. Yes, it's true. I recently made fun of my daughters for keeping a daily weather journal (K) and a daily fashion journal (M). If only they'd known what my daily journal was about.
Little House on the Prairie, starring Michael Landon and Melissa Gilbert, was my first introduction to seeing facets of a Christian God. Yes, I'm firmly convinced of this. I watched episodes of tragedy where Pa prays, where Laura prays, where they are in church, where they carry a Bible, where they showed what they believe in. As a little girl who grew up watching her mother pray to pictures of blue gods and coconuts in the kitchen pantry, this seemed...well, what I wanted, instead. I also know this is where I heard my first Christian hymns. "Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves..." or "Onward Christian soldiers, marching on to war..."; these were the two main hymns I heard.
Fast foward ahead to year 20 of my life. I was a sophomore, living in Cedar Crest apartments during a hot summer in Tuscaloosa. I was living with my roommate Laura Bearden. She was a low-key friend and she made it a practice to listen to Amy Grant. One song in particular stood out for me. It was called "Lead Me On." It was the first contemporary Christian song I'd ever felt drawn to, and I really liked it. I still have it on my iPod to this day.
Fast forward to year 30 after my divorce. I spent the whole year listening to Christian music. I couldn't listen to secular music. The majority of it was based on "love" anyway, and I just couldn't take it. I listened to a lot of Christian music back then, in 2002, from FFH to Avalon to Ginny Owens to my favorite, Steven Curtis Chapman. I loved the honesty I heard in his music and also his worshipful lyrics. It taught me some basic scripture, too. I truly believe that listening to this music, by His grace, allowed me to recover and started the healing process for me. I moved on to listen to Michael W Smith, too, and enjoyed his worship music.
After that year, I went back to listening to secular music, but I gained an appreciation for the beauty of hearing scripture reflected back at you through music. I also heard the beauty in the words from hymns in church. I looked at the names in the hymn book and learned of the great suffering in some of the writers' lives. William Cowper, John Newton, Charles Wesley...I love reading the words in some of their hymns and seeing their struggles, their worship of God despite their pain. The Christian life is recognizing God's majesty, but also dealing with the day-to-day struggles. From "Jesus, Lover of my Soul" by Charles Wesley:
Jesus, lover of my soul,
let me to thy bosom fly,
while the nearer waters roll,
while the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
till the storm of life is past;
safe into the haven guide;
O receive my soul at last.
How apt! How timely! How easy it is to think these same thoughts seem like David's, straight out of the Psalms.
I spent yesterday driving to Montgomery and back. My secret, although not a guilty one, is that when driving alone, I listen to scripture and Christian music. Not for every single trip, but many of them. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I was overcome with the awesome power of God and His watchfulness over my life. I found myself weeping part of the way, but grateful nonetheless. I thought back to Little House, then, and remembered listening to songs that I memorized but didn't understand. How funny that I think back to these small things and realize the part they played in my life. Perserverance in this life comes from knowing He is there, keeping you, watching for you, hiding you, drawing you close. Let me to thy bosom fly!
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