One of my favorite songs this year was from an American Idol. Should I admit that? It was Home by Phillip Phillips. I mostly like the melody of it. There is a lyric in it that I have been thinking about: "If you get lost you'll always be found...just know you're not alone, because I'm going to make this place your home."
We do try so hard to make this place our home, especially at the Christmas season. We want to have the warm feelings of family; we want the fun that comes from being together and making cookies; we want to enjoy holiday movies together; we want the shared memories from carrying on traditions like singing carols or having a feast together. These are wonderful ways of enjoying a holiday, and dare I say, a small vision into seeing what it might be like when we get to heaven (take out the internal family strife from that, of course). In "Star Trek: Generations", Captain Picard has an opportunity to go to the "Nexus," which is a place where your best dream comes to life. His dream is being surrounded by his family at Christmas where they have this same sort of holiday experience. This is what we want...the idealism, the beauty, the love, and we are drawn towards these feelings of "home."
My pastor has been using the phrase "the scandal of the incarnation" this season. He referenced how God Himself came to earth and allowed his diapers to be changed. That is shocking. This is the God that created man, that created the land and the seas, that created the creatures in both, and fashioned woman out of Adam's rib. The One who turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt. The One who unleashed Satan on Job. The One who parted the Red Sea for the Israelites. The One who watched over the nation of Israel and brought in people from outside to be part of the family, like Rahab. This is the same One who deigned to be born as a baby. He knew that the baby, His son, was the King and would be the redeemer. He knew the only way out for us was to pay a price none of us could even conceive of. This baby left His home, came to Earth - a place filled with stark sin, fear, and misery - and showed us what love truly was.
On this night, when I am separated from some of those I love, the scandal of the incarnation is made a little more real for me. I am here with my parents, who I love, but it's not everyone else. And I think about how Jesus was separated for thirty plus years from His father, and then how the separateness was made so complete on the cross.
We should be scandalized this Christmas, and remember that this place is not our true home.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Road Trips and Michael Landon
When I was young, I watched Little House on the Prairie. I didn't just watch it, I memorized the series. I would be very, very surprised if there is an episode I haven't seen. Every day, I'd come home, get a snack, turn on the TV, open up my notebook, and then...I'd write down the name of the Little House epsiode that was showing that day. For what reason, I do not know. I just did this. Yes, it's true. I recently made fun of my daughters for keeping a daily weather journal (K) and a daily fashion journal (M). If only they'd known what my daily journal was about.
Little House on the Prairie, starring Michael Landon and Melissa Gilbert, was my first introduction to seeing facets of a Christian God. Yes, I'm firmly convinced of this. I watched episodes of tragedy where Pa prays, where Laura prays, where they are in church, where they carry a Bible, where they showed what they believe in. As a little girl who grew up watching her mother pray to pictures of blue gods and coconuts in the kitchen pantry, this seemed...well, what I wanted, instead. I also know this is where I heard my first Christian hymns. "Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves..." or "Onward Christian soldiers, marching on to war..."; these were the two main hymns I heard.
Fast foward ahead to year 20 of my life. I was a sophomore, living in Cedar Crest apartments during a hot summer in Tuscaloosa. I was living with my roommate Laura Bearden. She was a low-key friend and she made it a practice to listen to Amy Grant. One song in particular stood out for me. It was called "Lead Me On." It was the first contemporary Christian song I'd ever felt drawn to, and I really liked it. I still have it on my iPod to this day.
Fast forward to year 30 after my divorce. I spent the whole year listening to Christian music. I couldn't listen to secular music. The majority of it was based on "love" anyway, and I just couldn't take it. I listened to a lot of Christian music back then, in 2002, from FFH to Avalon to Ginny Owens to my favorite, Steven Curtis Chapman. I loved the honesty I heard in his music and also his worshipful lyrics. It taught me some basic scripture, too. I truly believe that listening to this music, by His grace, allowed me to recover and started the healing process for me. I moved on to listen to Michael W Smith, too, and enjoyed his worship music.
After that year, I went back to listening to secular music, but I gained an appreciation for the beauty of hearing scripture reflected back at you through music. I also heard the beauty in the words from hymns in church. I looked at the names in the hymn book and learned of the great suffering in some of the writers' lives. William Cowper, John Newton, Charles Wesley...I love reading the words in some of their hymns and seeing their struggles, their worship of God despite their pain. The Christian life is recognizing God's majesty, but also dealing with the day-to-day struggles. From "Jesus, Lover of my Soul" by Charles Wesley:
Jesus, lover of my soul,
let me to thy bosom fly,
while the nearer waters roll,
while the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
till the storm of life is past;
safe into the haven guide;
O receive my soul at last.
How apt! How timely! How easy it is to think these same thoughts seem like David's, straight out of the Psalms.
I spent yesterday driving to Montgomery and back. My secret, although not a guilty one, is that when driving alone, I listen to scripture and Christian music. Not for every single trip, but many of them. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I was overcome with the awesome power of God and His watchfulness over my life. I found myself weeping part of the way, but grateful nonetheless. I thought back to Little House, then, and remembered listening to songs that I memorized but didn't understand. How funny that I think back to these small things and realize the part they played in my life. Perserverance in this life comes from knowing He is there, keeping you, watching for you, hiding you, drawing you close. Let me to thy bosom fly!
Little House on the Prairie, starring Michael Landon and Melissa Gilbert, was my first introduction to seeing facets of a Christian God. Yes, I'm firmly convinced of this. I watched episodes of tragedy where Pa prays, where Laura prays, where they are in church, where they carry a Bible, where they showed what they believe in. As a little girl who grew up watching her mother pray to pictures of blue gods and coconuts in the kitchen pantry, this seemed...well, what I wanted, instead. I also know this is where I heard my first Christian hymns. "Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves..." or "Onward Christian soldiers, marching on to war..."; these were the two main hymns I heard.
Fast foward ahead to year 20 of my life. I was a sophomore, living in Cedar Crest apartments during a hot summer in Tuscaloosa. I was living with my roommate Laura Bearden. She was a low-key friend and she made it a practice to listen to Amy Grant. One song in particular stood out for me. It was called "Lead Me On." It was the first contemporary Christian song I'd ever felt drawn to, and I really liked it. I still have it on my iPod to this day.
Fast forward to year 30 after my divorce. I spent the whole year listening to Christian music. I couldn't listen to secular music. The majority of it was based on "love" anyway, and I just couldn't take it. I listened to a lot of Christian music back then, in 2002, from FFH to Avalon to Ginny Owens to my favorite, Steven Curtis Chapman. I loved the honesty I heard in his music and also his worshipful lyrics. It taught me some basic scripture, too. I truly believe that listening to this music, by His grace, allowed me to recover and started the healing process for me. I moved on to listen to Michael W Smith, too, and enjoyed his worship music.
After that year, I went back to listening to secular music, but I gained an appreciation for the beauty of hearing scripture reflected back at you through music. I also heard the beauty in the words from hymns in church. I looked at the names in the hymn book and learned of the great suffering in some of the writers' lives. William Cowper, John Newton, Charles Wesley...I love reading the words in some of their hymns and seeing their struggles, their worship of God despite their pain. The Christian life is recognizing God's majesty, but also dealing with the day-to-day struggles. From "Jesus, Lover of my Soul" by Charles Wesley:
Jesus, lover of my soul,
let me to thy bosom fly,
while the nearer waters roll,
while the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Savior, hide,
till the storm of life is past;
safe into the haven guide;
O receive my soul at last.
How apt! How timely! How easy it is to think these same thoughts seem like David's, straight out of the Psalms.
I spent yesterday driving to Montgomery and back. My secret, although not a guilty one, is that when driving alone, I listen to scripture and Christian music. Not for every single trip, but many of them. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I was overcome with the awesome power of God and His watchfulness over my life. I found myself weeping part of the way, but grateful nonetheless. I thought back to Little House, then, and remembered listening to songs that I memorized but didn't understand. How funny that I think back to these small things and realize the part they played in my life. Perserverance in this life comes from knowing He is there, keeping you, watching for you, hiding you, drawing you close. Let me to thy bosom fly!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Time marches on
My youngest daughter turned 16 a week ago. How has 16 years passed since she was born?
Last week, we were not at home, we were staying at my friend Beth's due to the fact that I was getting my floors refinished. I got up early (for me) at 5:30, got ready, made cinnamon rolls, and hung a "Happy Birthday" streamer so she would see it. I headed back to the room with my video camera, which is a yearly tradition, and sang Happy Birthday to her. Thankfully she'd already awoken and was mostly ready; I say thankfully because it hasn't always been pleasant for the girls when I wake them up with a video camera!
I took her to school, probably the first time in a while, and dropped her off. After working a half-day, I went and traded cars and picked her back up. We headed to Taco Casa on Skyland, of course, and "ate light." This, for K, meant eating a snack burrito instead of her normal burrito, in addition to two tacos. Then, we headed to the State Troopers' office.
When we arrived, the first problem arose. The VIN number on the car's registration did not match the VIN listed on the proof of insurance. Hello!? What?! She could not test. I called my insurance agent, and it turned out the registration had a VIN number for a Chevy Monte Carlo. What?! We ran over to the license office, coincidentally next to the local "Dirt Cheap" store. Thankfully, they had scanned in my bill of sale two weeks prior and had proof of the correct VIN! Woot! So we were able to get it corrected and headed back to get the license, which was a successful endeavor.
Our sweet friends Kristina and her son pulled up to my house just as we stopped by to get the mail. They dropped off a balloon and a hug! That must have been a God thing; we were only at the house for five minutes! K drove off immediately and headed towards the high school to show off the car. Meanwhile, I stressed out at the house when I realized Mellow Mushroom had booked the party room for the exact time I needed it.
We went to dinner that night at Jim and Nick's. Just me, K, M...and their dad. Had fun laughing and catching up. What a sweet thing it is, to know God has worked so mightily in our lives. K told me that evening, "it was a great day." Wonderful words to a mom's ears.
Last week, we were not at home, we were staying at my friend Beth's due to the fact that I was getting my floors refinished. I got up early (for me) at 5:30, got ready, made cinnamon rolls, and hung a "Happy Birthday" streamer so she would see it. I headed back to the room with my video camera, which is a yearly tradition, and sang Happy Birthday to her. Thankfully she'd already awoken and was mostly ready; I say thankfully because it hasn't always been pleasant for the girls when I wake them up with a video camera!
I took her to school, probably the first time in a while, and dropped her off. After working a half-day, I went and traded cars and picked her back up. We headed to Taco Casa on Skyland, of course, and "ate light." This, for K, meant eating a snack burrito instead of her normal burrito, in addition to two tacos. Then, we headed to the State Troopers' office.
When we arrived, the first problem arose. The VIN number on the car's registration did not match the VIN listed on the proof of insurance. Hello!? What?! She could not test. I called my insurance agent, and it turned out the registration had a VIN number for a Chevy Monte Carlo. What?! We ran over to the license office, coincidentally next to the local "Dirt Cheap" store. Thankfully, they had scanned in my bill of sale two weeks prior and had proof of the correct VIN! Woot! So we were able to get it corrected and headed back to get the license, which was a successful endeavor.
Our sweet friends Kristina and her son pulled up to my house just as we stopped by to get the mail. They dropped off a balloon and a hug! That must have been a God thing; we were only at the house for five minutes! K drove off immediately and headed towards the high school to show off the car. Meanwhile, I stressed out at the house when I realized Mellow Mushroom had booked the party room for the exact time I needed it.
We went to dinner that night at Jim and Nick's. Just me, K, M...and their dad. Had fun laughing and catching up. What a sweet thing it is, to know God has worked so mightily in our lives. K told me that evening, "it was a great day." Wonderful words to a mom's ears.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
At the Movies
I just got through watching the last thirty minutes of the Breakfast Club. This movie was a seminal movie from my teen years. Of all of the John Hughes movies out there, this was the one I related to the most. I first watched it at my own birthday party when I was 14. I had three friends spend the night, and we put balloons under our shirts and pretended we had, ahem, large bosoms. Yes, I was a little old for that. Regardless, I related to this movie so much. When the nerd cries and talked about the pressure he was under, I understood. When the goth girl gets a makeover, I loved it. When they all made fun of the popular girl, I was cheering them on.
Watching this movie today, I feel old. The Emilio Estevez character says, "Do you think we're going to grow up to be our parents?" Back then, I used to think, "no way! they are going to be different." Today, I just laugh. Because the reality is, we're not carbon copies of our parents, but we certainly have many similarities; how can we not, we have their genetics!
I think about M and K and wonder what movies really influenced their high school years. Would it be the silliness of "High School Musical"? Or the serious sci-fi shenanigans of "Inception"? What about the movies based on books, like "Twilight" or "Harry Potter"? Man, I sure hope it wasn't a teen movie like "Juno." I'd rather that it's something like "Nancy Drew" which K loves. I know M loves things like "Anchorman", "Baby Mama", and "Crazy Stupid Love," and K is a huge fan of "She's the Man", too. We quote that movie while we watch it. I have to say, I didn't watch nearly as many movies in my teen years as they do now. I remember spending my Friday nights with my parents watching "Dallas", which I'm sure had a huge impact on what I thought relationships shouldn't be like. Not to mention that I was watching soap operas with my parents. On a Friday night. Sigh.
We are shaped by our culture, whether we like it or not. I've learned to try to apply some wisdom to watching movies, but I like fun movies as much as the next person.
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal...Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."
Watching this movie today, I feel old. The Emilio Estevez character says, "Do you think we're going to grow up to be our parents?" Back then, I used to think, "no way! they are going to be different." Today, I just laugh. Because the reality is, we're not carbon copies of our parents, but we certainly have many similarities; how can we not, we have their genetics!
I think about M and K and wonder what movies really influenced their high school years. Would it be the silliness of "High School Musical"? Or the serious sci-fi shenanigans of "Inception"? What about the movies based on books, like "Twilight" or "Harry Potter"? Man, I sure hope it wasn't a teen movie like "Juno." I'd rather that it's something like "Nancy Drew" which K loves. I know M loves things like "Anchorman", "Baby Mama", and "Crazy Stupid Love," and K is a huge fan of "She's the Man", too. We quote that movie while we watch it. I have to say, I didn't watch nearly as many movies in my teen years as they do now. I remember spending my Friday nights with my parents watching "Dallas", which I'm sure had a huge impact on what I thought relationships shouldn't be like. Not to mention that I was watching soap operas with my parents. On a Friday night. Sigh.
We are shaped by our culture, whether we like it or not. I've learned to try to apply some wisdom to watching movies, but I like fun movies as much as the next person.
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal...Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."
Monday, December 3, 2012
Unstudied Chaos
"Home is wherever I'm with you..." My friend Ragan quoted this song by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes on her blog. I love that song. However, I have to admit that my favorite rendition is not from the Zeroes, it's from Jorge and Alexa Narvaez, which you can watch here.
Having said that, I need to mention that I am not living at home. My house is sitting, empty, forlorn, waiting. It's floors are being sanded and refinished. I'm at my friend Beth's watching "The Voice" and making fun of all of the singers.
Is the house a home because of what I do to it? Of course not. It's not the meals that I wish I cooked more often (sad). It's not the Southern Living decor that people put in it that make it a home. Which I don't have. It's not the pinterest crafts that I sometimes stare at, but then think, "Who has time to make this stuff?"
Home is about the relationships you make. The discussions about what your hopes and dreams are, like going to Africa when people are driving you crazy but it really doesn't solve your problems so you argue about it. It's about wondering about which boy you're interested in, like Jake or Oliver or whoever. It's about praying together for those that you know who are suffering. It's about screaming at each other when you lose your tempers and then asking for forgiveness when you realize your sin was just out there on display. It's about laughing together when you're watching a movie or doing something really awkward or sharing a story about your day. It's about coloring together, playing games together, helping one another.
I need to stop feeling guilty about all of the things I don't get to do and just get out there and live. In a way my life is just a little crazy (who would really decide to get floors refinished the week their daughter turns 16, I mean seriously) but I have realized that I like it that way. It's a bit of unstudied chaos with structure thrown in for good measure. It's just me.
Having said that, I need to mention that I am not living at home. My house is sitting, empty, forlorn, waiting. It's floors are being sanded and refinished. I'm at my friend Beth's watching "The Voice" and making fun of all of the singers.
Is the house a home because of what I do to it? Of course not. It's not the meals that I wish I cooked more often (sad). It's not the Southern Living decor that people put in it that make it a home. Which I don't have. It's not the pinterest crafts that I sometimes stare at, but then think, "Who has time to make this stuff?"
Home is about the relationships you make. The discussions about what your hopes and dreams are, like going to Africa when people are driving you crazy but it really doesn't solve your problems so you argue about it. It's about wondering about which boy you're interested in, like Jake or Oliver or whoever. It's about praying together for those that you know who are suffering. It's about screaming at each other when you lose your tempers and then asking for forgiveness when you realize your sin was just out there on display. It's about laughing together when you're watching a movie or doing something really awkward or sharing a story about your day. It's about coloring together, playing games together, helping one another.
I need to stop feeling guilty about all of the things I don't get to do and just get out there and live. In a way my life is just a little crazy (who would really decide to get floors refinished the week their daughter turns 16, I mean seriously) but I have realized that I like it that way. It's a bit of unstudied chaos with structure thrown in for good measure. It's just me.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Depression
Sinking, falling, losing the battle
I can't breathe
Numbing, blinding, the pain increases
Get away
Constant, pressing, months on end
I'm not here
Denying, recriminating, running to light
I'm raw.
I'm not depressed now. But I remember.
I can't breathe
Numbing, blinding, the pain increases
Get away
Constant, pressing, months on end
I'm not here
Denying, recriminating, running to light
I'm raw.
I'm not depressed now. But I remember.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Mom and Dad are Nuts
I swear, every time I visit, I think, "WOW."
Then, I think, "I'm going to be like this in 35 years. WOW."
My mom loads me down with "necessities" every time I visit. This trip, I have a box of stuff for M. This makes me giggle, because this is usually all the stuff that goes to me. There's household items that I would use, like generic brand napkins, paper towels, q-tips, and toothpaste. Then, there's randomness. Like, flip flops she picked up for $2 at Sears, a scent-less candle, and a travel pack of Bandaids to put in her car. Okay, thanks Mom.
My to-go-goodie-box contains some jewelry she picked up, some Christmas ornaments, a bag of peanuts, and three tank tops she picked up (I refused two of them).
I was five years old when my mom was 40. I think about trying to run after a 5-year-old (much less a 1-year-old, my little sister) at my age. No wonder she's crazy (Yes, I know several people who are this age with little ones too. And I'm telling you, your brain cells may be a little off when you're 50).
Then, I think, "I'm going to be like this in 35 years. WOW."
My mom loads me down with "necessities" every time I visit. This trip, I have a box of stuff for M. This makes me giggle, because this is usually all the stuff that goes to me. There's household items that I would use, like generic brand napkins, paper towels, q-tips, and toothpaste. Then, there's randomness. Like, flip flops she picked up for $2 at Sears, a scent-less candle, and a travel pack of Bandaids to put in her car. Okay, thanks Mom.
My to-go-goodie-box contains some jewelry she picked up, some Christmas ornaments, a bag of peanuts, and three tank tops she picked up (I refused two of them).
I was five years old when my mom was 40. I think about trying to run after a 5-year-old (much less a 1-year-old, my little sister) at my age. No wonder she's crazy (Yes, I know several people who are this age with little ones too. And I'm telling you, your brain cells may be a little off when you're 50).
What I didn't realize about holiness
I've been reading The Hole in our Holiness by Kevin DeYoung. I've appreciated DeYoung ever since I read Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will last year. That book was eye-opening to me. He declared that you can make decisions that are biblically sound and you shouldn't be crippled by waiting or wondering what God's will is for your life. God's plan for your life is to love Him first and foremost. If your decisions are not sinful, you're within God's will. Deciding between two jobs? Are they ethical? Then make a decision and know that's the right one.
The Hole in our Holiness is about the fact that we don't take holiness seriously enough. I like the way DeYoung writes. A bit of humor, some abstract concepts, but plenty of solid theology and scripture to back it up. I think one thing I am not sure he has answered is exactly what holiness is. I always defined it as being set apart, and by the grace of the Holy Spirit, pursuing godliness and obedience to our heavenly father. How does one do that though? I think the easiest answer, for me, is that it goes back to my heart and how my heart deals with things like the fruits of the spirit.
I'd sort of ignored the second part of some of my favorite verses. From Eph 1:3-4:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
Heb 12:12 - 14:
12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
Just a couple of a number of verses on holiness. I'm not going to cover the reasons for holiness, cause then I would be rewriting DeYoung's book (or plagiarizing it).
But I read a chapter last night that blew my mind. It was as if he were reading my mind about my struggles with holiness. First, he talked about grace and how our emphasis on grace is so much on what we cannot do in and of ourselves. I have thought so often about how my works are like filthy rags (from Isaiah), and how I cannot do anything worth doing aside from the holy spirit. He said that it's not scripturally responsible to say that it's impossible to obey and impossible to pursue righteousness because our works are tainted. So many of our biblical examples did pursue righteousness - like Joseph, like Zechariah and Elizabeth, who were pronounced "righteous before God."
Why do I do this, denigrate my own spiritual offerings? Having a small understanding of my own sin is one reason. But another reason is that "we equate obedience with perfection." He says "God does not expect our good works to be flawless in order to be good....God is pleased by through Christ to accept our sincere obedience, although it contains many weaknesses and imperfections." My struggle has been, why even try, after all, if my works are so pathetic? God will work it out. The Holy Spirit will work it out. And the Holy Spirit does. But we, too, should recognize that it's pleasing to the Lord to make the efforts to holiness. These efforts are nothing without Christ, but He works out our sanctification through these efforts.
The caution here, of course, is to avoid legalism and making idols of these attempts at holiness. I pray that my heart is changed about what holiness is, why we should strive for it, and what I do in my day-to-day. Because of His grace alone, I'm an adopted daughter. And by His grace, I'm being sanctified by Him.
The Hole in our Holiness is about the fact that we don't take holiness seriously enough. I like the way DeYoung writes. A bit of humor, some abstract concepts, but plenty of solid theology and scripture to back it up. I think one thing I am not sure he has answered is exactly what holiness is. I always defined it as being set apart, and by the grace of the Holy Spirit, pursuing godliness and obedience to our heavenly father. How does one do that though? I think the easiest answer, for me, is that it goes back to my heart and how my heart deals with things like the fruits of the spirit.
I'd sort of ignored the second part of some of my favorite verses. From Eph 1:3-4:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
Heb 12:12 - 14:
12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
Just a couple of a number of verses on holiness. I'm not going to cover the reasons for holiness, cause then I would be rewriting DeYoung's book (or plagiarizing it).
But I read a chapter last night that blew my mind. It was as if he were reading my mind about my struggles with holiness. First, he talked about grace and how our emphasis on grace is so much on what we cannot do in and of ourselves. I have thought so often about how my works are like filthy rags (from Isaiah), and how I cannot do anything worth doing aside from the holy spirit. He said that it's not scripturally responsible to say that it's impossible to obey and impossible to pursue righteousness because our works are tainted. So many of our biblical examples did pursue righteousness - like Joseph, like Zechariah and Elizabeth, who were pronounced "righteous before God."
Why do I do this, denigrate my own spiritual offerings? Having a small understanding of my own sin is one reason. But another reason is that "we equate obedience with perfection." He says "God does not expect our good works to be flawless in order to be good....God is pleased by through Christ to accept our sincere obedience, although it contains many weaknesses and imperfections." My struggle has been, why even try, after all, if my works are so pathetic? God will work it out. The Holy Spirit will work it out. And the Holy Spirit does. But we, too, should recognize that it's pleasing to the Lord to make the efforts to holiness. These efforts are nothing without Christ, but He works out our sanctification through these efforts.
The caution here, of course, is to avoid legalism and making idols of these attempts at holiness. I pray that my heart is changed about what holiness is, why we should strive for it, and what I do in my day-to-day. Because of His grace alone, I'm an adopted daughter. And by His grace, I'm being sanctified by Him.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Voting and work
It's election day. And I voted. I've voted in every single presidential election since 1992. And I'm happy about that. Today, 20 years later, my oldest daughter voted in her first presidential election. How cool is that?
I should be working right now. Work has been all-consuming, with about fifteen projects going on. A little bit of stress. But it's a good thing, I think. If I wasn't busy, wouldn't I be bored or lazy? I have a hard time, though, because I have a desire to do things well. When you have a number of projects, it's easy to drop pieces and not do things well.
We're supposed to fill out an employee survey at work. This is how I feel about it.
Another thing I should be doing is studying for my bible study. I am still finishing up the True Woman study with a group of middle schoolers and high schoolers. We have two more weeks left. Shouldn't I spend time thinking about how even though the fall has twisted God's design for women, Jesus re-made us?
Yet, instead, I made pork chops and risotto for dinner, had a glass of wine, and am watching election results. I will get back to work, and I will finish this study, but sometimes it's okay to take a bit of time and watch national news unfold. I admit that I have a hard time really believing everything these candidates throw at us. I also know God has this well in hand. But I do think it's important to vote and pray for our president, regardless of the party.
I should be working right now. Work has been all-consuming, with about fifteen projects going on. A little bit of stress. But it's a good thing, I think. If I wasn't busy, wouldn't I be bored or lazy? I have a hard time, though, because I have a desire to do things well. When you have a number of projects, it's easy to drop pieces and not do things well.
We're supposed to fill out an employee survey at work. This is how I feel about it.
Another thing I should be doing is studying for my bible study. I am still finishing up the True Woman study with a group of middle schoolers and high schoolers. We have two more weeks left. Shouldn't I spend time thinking about how even though the fall has twisted God's design for women, Jesus re-made us?
Yet, instead, I made pork chops and risotto for dinner, had a glass of wine, and am watching election results. I will get back to work, and I will finish this study, but sometimes it's okay to take a bit of time and watch national news unfold. I admit that I have a hard time really believing everything these candidates throw at us. I also know God has this well in hand. But I do think it's important to vote and pray for our president, regardless of the party.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Do you miss when we were little?
K asked me yesterday, "Do you miss when we were little? Do you wish that we were little again?"
Where did that question come from? And can I honestly answer it?
Being a mother is the single-best-cherry-on-top thing ever. Period. It's also the most hair-pulling-frustrating-maturing thing ever. You know what's great though? Getting to see the chick-a-dees themselves grow and mature. They aren't just blobs of neediness anymore, like my beautiful 4-month-old niece is (okay, she's more than a blob). They're sentient, intelligent, rational and irrational, wise, immature and mature, hormonal, and amazing. And I got to watch that happen? Seriously, does anyone reflect on what a crazy miracle that is?
I told her that I miss it, definitely. I wish I'd taken more video of them when they were little. Yet, it's been a great twenty years since I had my M and I love getting to see the young women that they have become. One in college, doing her exercise medicine thing, and one in high school, doing her volleyball and music things.
I might want to go back for a peek, but I'm loving seeing the work of God now!
Update: she also asked me if I remember when they were shorter than me. Nice.
Where did that question come from? And can I honestly answer it?
Being a mother is the single-best-cherry-on-top thing ever. Period. It's also the most hair-pulling-frustrating-maturing thing ever. You know what's great though? Getting to see the chick-a-dees themselves grow and mature. They aren't just blobs of neediness anymore, like my beautiful 4-month-old niece is (okay, she's more than a blob). They're sentient, intelligent, rational and irrational, wise, immature and mature, hormonal, and amazing. And I got to watch that happen? Seriously, does anyone reflect on what a crazy miracle that is?
I told her that I miss it, definitely. I wish I'd taken more video of them when they were little. Yet, it's been a great twenty years since I had my M and I love getting to see the young women that they have become. One in college, doing her exercise medicine thing, and one in high school, doing her volleyball and music things.
I might want to go back for a peek, but I'm loving seeing the work of God now!
Update: she also asked me if I remember when they were shorter than me. Nice.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Men, Women, and Marriage, yeah, AGAIN
This year has been inundated with learning about God's design for men and women. At church, we studied John Piper's "What's the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible." in Sunday School for about six months. I read Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage. I also read Mark and Grace Driscoll's Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together. This summer, I read Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary Kassian; this was for a youth girls bible study. Finally, now, I'm studying True Woman 101 by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
I'm not going to lie. The fact that I'm studying these topics over and over is starting to get a little old. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about how God designed us as men and women, uniquely in our sexual identity, and how we were created for relationships. I've thought about how marriage is a picture that represents the trinity in a uniquely special way. But at the same time, I'm not weary of it. I've never heard this stuff before. I grew up in a household where I understood the physical differences between girls and boys, but my Dad never implied we were less than boys. In fact, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted to do, have a career in whatever I pursued, and not be limited by my feminine status. So it was almost a feminist household. The only weird thing was that my mom was really my servant. She did teach me that I wasn't supposed to flirt with boys and that I wasn't supposed to even look at boys. I might as well have worn a burqa. It was a childhood that was strangely patriarchal in some ways, but strangely feminist in other ways.
In the True Woman lesson last week, we talked about Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 where it lists the qualities of a woman who is foolish, and then the qualities in wisdom. Compare:
With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him.
All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast
till an arrow pierces its liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;
he does not know that it will cost him his life.
(Proverbs 7:21-23 ESV)
Take my instruction instead of silver,
and knowledge rather than choice gold,
for wisdom is better than jewels,
and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.
(Proverbs 8:10-11 ESV)
Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh Demoss discuss how much they disliked God's design for womanhood earlier in their lives. I wonder, for those that proclaim Christianity later in their lives, how do they embrace these types of ideas - that woman is created to be a helper (Gen 2:18)? That woman was created to complement man, and that's why she was created out of Adam's rib (Gen 2:22-23)? That man was the leader, and we know this because he was the one that named all of the animals, and he was the one that received the instruction from the Lord on which tree to avoid (Gen 2:16, 2:19) I know that I have softened towards the idea of women being uniquely created, for a purpose, to complement a man (her husband). I am starting to soften towards the idea that the feminist movement really goes against God's design. This is in spite of the fact that I do believe that there were a few good things that came out of the feminist movement - like the ability for woman to be able to vote and the ability for a woman's ideas to be heard. But as in many other movements, once an idea bears fruit, it also gets turned into something more than it ever intended to be. These wacky ideas include: women should be allowed to sleep around with any man (from Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl); women were unfulfilled in their roles as wives and mothers (Betty Friedan); and that women should really become the man they want to marry (Gloria Steinem). These ideas come from what we used to refer to as the women's lib movement. Now it's called feminism.
My friend Dana said this amazing thing, and I'm paraphrasing: "Rather than embracing the idea that our status as women is because of the sin of all of us, we fell prey to sin and blamed the opposite sex for all that ails us." Ultimately, I think how we feel about these truths from the Bible comes back to how God has softened our hearts to hear His word, and how much time we really spend studying it, praying about it, and fellowshipping with others about it.
I'm not going to lie. The fact that I'm studying these topics over and over is starting to get a little old. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about how God designed us as men and women, uniquely in our sexual identity, and how we were created for relationships. I've thought about how marriage is a picture that represents the trinity in a uniquely special way. But at the same time, I'm not weary of it. I've never heard this stuff before. I grew up in a household where I understood the physical differences between girls and boys, but my Dad never implied we were less than boys. In fact, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted to do, have a career in whatever I pursued, and not be limited by my feminine status. So it was almost a feminist household. The only weird thing was that my mom was really my servant. She did teach me that I wasn't supposed to flirt with boys and that I wasn't supposed to even look at boys. I might as well have worn a burqa. It was a childhood that was strangely patriarchal in some ways, but strangely feminist in other ways.
In the True Woman lesson last week, we talked about Proverbs 7 and Proverbs 8 where it lists the qualities of a woman who is foolish, and then the qualities in wisdom. Compare:
With much seductive speech she persuades him;
with her smooth talk she compels him.
All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast
till an arrow pierces its liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;
he does not know that it will cost him his life.
(Proverbs 7:21-23 ESV)
Take my instruction instead of silver,
and knowledge rather than choice gold,
for wisdom is better than jewels,
and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.
(Proverbs 8:10-11 ESV)
Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh Demoss discuss how much they disliked God's design for womanhood earlier in their lives. I wonder, for those that proclaim Christianity later in their lives, how do they embrace these types of ideas - that woman is created to be a helper (Gen 2:18)? That woman was created to complement man, and that's why she was created out of Adam's rib (Gen 2:22-23)? That man was the leader, and we know this because he was the one that named all of the animals, and he was the one that received the instruction from the Lord on which tree to avoid (Gen 2:16, 2:19) I know that I have softened towards the idea of women being uniquely created, for a purpose, to complement a man (her husband). I am starting to soften towards the idea that the feminist movement really goes against God's design. This is in spite of the fact that I do believe that there were a few good things that came out of the feminist movement - like the ability for woman to be able to vote and the ability for a woman's ideas to be heard. But as in many other movements, once an idea bears fruit, it also gets turned into something more than it ever intended to be. These wacky ideas include: women should be allowed to sleep around with any man (from Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl); women were unfulfilled in their roles as wives and mothers (Betty Friedan); and that women should really become the man they want to marry (Gloria Steinem). These ideas come from what we used to refer to as the women's lib movement. Now it's called feminism.
My friend Dana said this amazing thing, and I'm paraphrasing: "Rather than embracing the idea that our status as women is because of the sin of all of us, we fell prey to sin and blamed the opposite sex for all that ails us." Ultimately, I think how we feel about these truths from the Bible comes back to how God has softened our hearts to hear His word, and how much time we really spend studying it, praying about it, and fellowshipping with others about it.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Busy, busy, busy
Yes, life's been busy. I'm not sure how a full month went by and I haven't written a thing. There's been posts I've started in my head but have not finished. I've had impactful things happen to me but for some reason haven't posted about them. So, I want to rectify that.
First, the activities...
Family: I get to go see my whole family in Chicago at Thanksgiving. Both M and K are going. I can't wait! I've mostly been playing catch up with my parents and my sisters on the phone. I know the sisters have a lot going on, and I haven't been a very good big sister in checking on them. I've been even less of a "good daughter" because I haven't seen my parents since July. Sigh. On the bright side, I have seen M this last week when I made dinner for her and a cute friend of hers. We also met up at a local arts festival yesterday and spent a little time together as a family. And K and I seem to talk a lot. And fight a lot. Yes, that's a bright side.
Boyfriend: We had a wonderful day off when we drove to the beach and back in one day (I'm not kidding). We went to a shrimp festival and then just enjoyed the beach the rest of the day. We walked the pier, played in the ocean, threw a frisbee (I am miserable at that) and a football, and just basked in the glory of God's creation. Sitting on the beach holding hands with someone you care about...doesn't get much better than that.
Volleyball: This month has shown me that it's wise to wait. I didn't say anything to the coach about K's lack of playing despite some people's advice and frustration that was only slightly less than my own, but thanks to my wise boyfriend's advice. And it proved to be smart. She's been playing in every game since late September, pretty much, because Coach changed up the rotation and has one of the other girls rotating in with someone else. So, I've tried to go to as many games as possible. She has played well and she's had a few off games too. The best part of it all is that I'm getting to see her do something she enjoys, work hard at it, get mad because of it, get tired of it, and just be a part of a team. It's what you want to get out of an activity, right?
Work: Overall, it's been such a busy month, it's been making my head spin. We signed a new customer. We're trying to get two customers live on our product on 1/1/2013. We had another customer go live on the first web-only version of our product just last week. We had a customer conference in our town. And, I have employee evaluations due 12/1. It makes me slightly ill just thinking about the next few weeks. There is not a lot of room for chit chat at my job, and if you have the time, people wonder if they can give you more work to do. It's a really great group of people, but there is so much work that it's hard to show progress in one thing because you can't focus on just one thing. And you end up doing only okay when you're trying to do everything. I just walk in every morning thinking, "buckle down and get things done."
Church: Speaking of a lot going on, I think I feel over-committed right now at church. I'm teaching a youth girls bible study. I'm also trying to be involved in the "mercy" part of my job on the women's ministry by talking to a couple of women outside of the church that just need an ear. Between that and proofreading the church magazine, plus trying to go to as many events as I can, then helping to bring food to all of those events, it seems like there is something every time I look up. What I don't want to do is resent the church. Because that's not the point of being part of a body, which is what I'm trying to do. But, I have to remember that I'm still a single mom, and trying to take care of all of the above and still maintain a little sanity can be difficult.
I am grateful to be busy. Let's keep the focus on the fact that I am very blessed even when I forget it.
First, the activities...
Family: I get to go see my whole family in Chicago at Thanksgiving. Both M and K are going. I can't wait! I've mostly been playing catch up with my parents and my sisters on the phone. I know the sisters have a lot going on, and I haven't been a very good big sister in checking on them. I've been even less of a "good daughter" because I haven't seen my parents since July. Sigh. On the bright side, I have seen M this last week when I made dinner for her and a cute friend of hers. We also met up at a local arts festival yesterday and spent a little time together as a family. And K and I seem to talk a lot. And fight a lot. Yes, that's a bright side.
Boyfriend: We had a wonderful day off when we drove to the beach and back in one day (I'm not kidding). We went to a shrimp festival and then just enjoyed the beach the rest of the day. We walked the pier, played in the ocean, threw a frisbee (I am miserable at that) and a football, and just basked in the glory of God's creation. Sitting on the beach holding hands with someone you care about...doesn't get much better than that.
Volleyball: This month has shown me that it's wise to wait. I didn't say anything to the coach about K's lack of playing despite some people's advice and frustration that was only slightly less than my own, but thanks to my wise boyfriend's advice. And it proved to be smart. She's been playing in every game since late September, pretty much, because Coach changed up the rotation and has one of the other girls rotating in with someone else. So, I've tried to go to as many games as possible. She has played well and she's had a few off games too. The best part of it all is that I'm getting to see her do something she enjoys, work hard at it, get mad because of it, get tired of it, and just be a part of a team. It's what you want to get out of an activity, right?
Work: Overall, it's been such a busy month, it's been making my head spin. We signed a new customer. We're trying to get two customers live on our product on 1/1/2013. We had another customer go live on the first web-only version of our product just last week. We had a customer conference in our town. And, I have employee evaluations due 12/1. It makes me slightly ill just thinking about the next few weeks. There is not a lot of room for chit chat at my job, and if you have the time, people wonder if they can give you more work to do. It's a really great group of people, but there is so much work that it's hard to show progress in one thing because you can't focus on just one thing. And you end up doing only okay when you're trying to do everything. I just walk in every morning thinking, "buckle down and get things done."
Church: Speaking of a lot going on, I think I feel over-committed right now at church. I'm teaching a youth girls bible study. I'm also trying to be involved in the "mercy" part of my job on the women's ministry by talking to a couple of women outside of the church that just need an ear. Between that and proofreading the church magazine, plus trying to go to as many events as I can, then helping to bring food to all of those events, it seems like there is something every time I look up. What I don't want to do is resent the church. Because that's not the point of being part of a body, which is what I'm trying to do. But, I have to remember that I'm still a single mom, and trying to take care of all of the above and still maintain a little sanity can be difficult.
I am grateful to be busy. Let's keep the focus on the fact that I am very blessed even when I forget it.
Monday, September 17, 2012
The bounty
My life has its difficult moments. I get frustrated for various reasons: motherhood, career, family, church. Lack of maturity, lack of grace, lack of humility. Relationships with anyone...frustrations with everyone. Yet there are times when I see rays of light. I saw one such ray of light on Sunday.
10+ years ago, I went to a fellowship group at my friends' house. I had some dear friends named Bryan and Kathy that shepherded our group; they'd been walking with me as I struggled with my husband leaving. I struggled with asking him to leave. I wept at home, I wept at work, I wept going to sleep. Those had been private weepings because I didn't want to admit my weakness and my absolute despair that my marriage was ending. At this fellowship group, I was surrounded by some wonderful church friends. That fellowship group was the first one that I attended since I'd been separated. And as I stated my prayer requests back then, I broke down, weeping publicly. Kathy came over and hugged me, allowing me to say things that I don't remember. No one judged. Everyone cared. And everyone prayed for me.
I've been going to fellowship groups off and on over the last ten years. My shepherding elder has changed. My church has changed. This past Sunday night, I brought someone that I am dating to my group. I've never done that before; I've always gone by myself. I hadn't even been the one to invite him, my shepherding elder had invited him, yet it felt right. And as we begun to pray, I was overcome, I nearly broke down again in tears - remembering back to my brokenness and weeping over a destroyed marriage.
God had given me a gift. An insight that there are still possibilities for me. My romantic life didn't end at 30.
No one there knew this. I didn't announce it. It was just a beautiful moment. And I'm grateful.
10+ years ago, I went to a fellowship group at my friends' house. I had some dear friends named Bryan and Kathy that shepherded our group; they'd been walking with me as I struggled with my husband leaving. I struggled with asking him to leave. I wept at home, I wept at work, I wept going to sleep. Those had been private weepings because I didn't want to admit my weakness and my absolute despair that my marriage was ending. At this fellowship group, I was surrounded by some wonderful church friends. That fellowship group was the first one that I attended since I'd been separated. And as I stated my prayer requests back then, I broke down, weeping publicly. Kathy came over and hugged me, allowing me to say things that I don't remember. No one judged. Everyone cared. And everyone prayed for me.
I've been going to fellowship groups off and on over the last ten years. My shepherding elder has changed. My church has changed. This past Sunday night, I brought someone that I am dating to my group. I've never done that before; I've always gone by myself. I hadn't even been the one to invite him, my shepherding elder had invited him, yet it felt right. And as we begun to pray, I was overcome, I nearly broke down again in tears - remembering back to my brokenness and weeping over a destroyed marriage.
God had given me a gift. An insight that there are still possibilities for me. My romantic life didn't end at 30.
No one there knew this. I didn't announce it. It was just a beautiful moment. And I'm grateful.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sensitivity, and why I try to care more about it
I made someone cry today.
I don't know this person very well. However, I make decisions that impact their daily life. I have to sit in judgment on how this person acts at work and does their tasks at work. It's part of my job. I also am not going to sit and just tell someone my opinion without trying to at least back it up with proof. Sometimes, that can be difficult.
I've been reading a bible study guide called "True Woman 101" by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. We are making a youth bible study out of it. And guess who's leading it up? First of all, you should question the sanity of a church that allows material called "True Woman" to be taught by a faux-Indian-divorced-single-mom that goes to DragonCon. What is that about, anyway?
You would think, after all the studying I've been doing on women lately, that I would understand by now that my womanhood has special meaning in the eyes of the Lord. The guide talks about how the unique characteristics inherent in manhood and womanhood can glorify God when brought together. Yes yes yes! We are equally and wonderfully created in the eyes of the Lord. We come from the dust of the earth, and we are made in His image. This truth is easily forgettable in light of, well, just waking up in the morning. Just breathing. We're weak clay vessels.
When I go to work and have 10,000 things to do, I forget this. I remember that I have authority. I remember that I can tell people what to do. I think that it's okay for me to say, "this is in the top five worst list and here's why." Yes, I did say something like that today.
If you've never had anyone cry in front of you while you tried to be constructive, be glad. It's humbling to know your words can have such an impact. It's scary to think that you might ruin someone's day. It's also important that your words are heard, because you might actually have something to say. What I tried to keep in mind was, "this person is fearfully and wonderfully made." I prayed before this meeting. I don't know if it helped. I have to trust that it did.
I don't know this person very well. However, I make decisions that impact their daily life. I have to sit in judgment on how this person acts at work and does their tasks at work. It's part of my job. I also am not going to sit and just tell someone my opinion without trying to at least back it up with proof. Sometimes, that can be difficult.
I've been reading a bible study guide called "True Woman 101" by Mary Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. We are making a youth bible study out of it. And guess who's leading it up? First of all, you should question the sanity of a church that allows material called "True Woman" to be taught by a faux-Indian-divorced-single-mom that goes to DragonCon. What is that about, anyway?
You would think, after all the studying I've been doing on women lately, that I would understand by now that my womanhood has special meaning in the eyes of the Lord. The guide talks about how the unique characteristics inherent in manhood and womanhood can glorify God when brought together. Yes yes yes! We are equally and wonderfully created in the eyes of the Lord. We come from the dust of the earth, and we are made in His image. This truth is easily forgettable in light of, well, just waking up in the morning. Just breathing. We're weak clay vessels.
When I go to work and have 10,000 things to do, I forget this. I remember that I have authority. I remember that I can tell people what to do. I think that it's okay for me to say, "this is in the top five worst list and here's why." Yes, I did say something like that today.
If you've never had anyone cry in front of you while you tried to be constructive, be glad. It's humbling to know your words can have such an impact. It's scary to think that you might ruin someone's day. It's also important that your words are heard, because you might actually have something to say. What I tried to keep in mind was, "this person is fearfully and wonderfully made." I prayed before this meeting. I don't know if it helped. I have to trust that it did.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Home
When I was young, I was dissatisfied with my home. This is a bit embarrassing to admit, because my mom did try to invite my friends over on birthdays, and she liked to throw parties for our Indian friends. I usually helped her clean the house while she prepared all sorts of Indian foods and snacks. Papadum, lentil fritters, pakora, puris (appetizers); rasamalai, carrot halva, gulab jamun (desserts); rasams, kooras of ALL sorts (main dishes). It's amazing that I can recall this because my memory is so hazy from those days. But the smells and flavors from those dishes bring back many memories. I also thought that when mom cooked, the house just plain smelled. And by that I mean, not in a good way. Man, was I ungrateful.
As a teen, I didn't understand why we never had American friends to dinner. I only invited a couple of people of my age over, and when we did, we mainly watched movies and played on my Atari 2600. When we had Indian parties, the men would stay in one room, and the women would stay in another. There were political and sports discussions in the men's area, and there were family and children discussions in the women's area (and maybe some gossip). I know, this is extremely stereotypical, but that's the way the parties occurred with the Indians in Montgomery, Alabama. The kids usually needed a different room to cavort around in, and cavort we did. We played games, played outside if we could, and we also...fought. We would try to have a sort of a wrestling match, usually girls against guys (if our parents caught us at this, we'd sometimes get in trouble). I was the head of the girls, usually; big surprise, right?. We had a timed effort where we would just pound on each other. I feel stupid even typing this. I will admit that this stopped around the time we were around fourteen. Thank goodness.
Once I had my own kids, I've had different people over to my house. Not often, but I have. Usually, it's the girls' friends. We've had birthday parties for the girls, of course, but I'd try to have their friends over to spend the night, and I'd try to take them out places sometimes sinceI don't have a ton of activities at my house, either. More than my parents, for sure, but no pool or large activity room. Which I think is fine.
I've realized as my girls are older that home is more than a place. It's a feeling, too. It's a sense of welcome. It's a desire for real friendship, not fake or surface fellowship. It's a hope that you can be real in front of others, instead of having "company" manners or habits. I would hope that if my house is a bit cluttered, my real friends wouldn't judge. My main struggle on having friends over is that I have a hard time letting go of the "tasks" that need to be done. I would like to not worry about doing things right. I'm getting better at it. If the bread burns, I usually just shrug my shoulders. If I don't have exactly what's needed for serving tea, it's okay. If I don't have dessert, I'll make the best of it.
I love this post by Tim Challies on having people over. I hope I continue to do this even as my children grow up and move away. Don't even like to think about it, but it's happening as we speak.
As a teen, I didn't understand why we never had American friends to dinner. I only invited a couple of people of my age over, and when we did, we mainly watched movies and played on my Atari 2600. When we had Indian parties, the men would stay in one room, and the women would stay in another. There were political and sports discussions in the men's area, and there were family and children discussions in the women's area (and maybe some gossip). I know, this is extremely stereotypical, but that's the way the parties occurred with the Indians in Montgomery, Alabama. The kids usually needed a different room to cavort around in, and cavort we did. We played games, played outside if we could, and we also...fought. We would try to have a sort of a wrestling match, usually girls against guys (if our parents caught us at this, we'd sometimes get in trouble). I was the head of the girls, usually; big surprise, right?. We had a timed effort where we would just pound on each other. I feel stupid even typing this. I will admit that this stopped around the time we were around fourteen. Thank goodness.
Once I had my own kids, I've had different people over to my house. Not often, but I have. Usually, it's the girls' friends. We've had birthday parties for the girls, of course, but I'd try to have their friends over to spend the night, and I'd try to take them out places sometimes sinceI don't have a ton of activities at my house, either. More than my parents, for sure, but no pool or large activity room. Which I think is fine.
I've realized as my girls are older that home is more than a place. It's a feeling, too. It's a sense of welcome. It's a desire for real friendship, not fake or surface fellowship. It's a hope that you can be real in front of others, instead of having "company" manners or habits. I would hope that if my house is a bit cluttered, my real friends wouldn't judge. My main struggle on having friends over is that I have a hard time letting go of the "tasks" that need to be done. I would like to not worry about doing things right. I'm getting better at it. If the bread burns, I usually just shrug my shoulders. If I don't have exactly what's needed for serving tea, it's okay. If I don't have dessert, I'll make the best of it.
I love this post by Tim Challies on having people over. I hope I continue to do this even as my children grow up and move away. Don't even like to think about it, but it's happening as we speak.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Grumpy Mom
I feel a little bitter. And a little angry. Yes, thank you, now who can I take this out on?
My daughter K is on the varsity volleyball team. I wanted her to play club volleyball in the spring so she could keep up her skills and learn new ones. I also thought it would help her when she played this year. And it was hard, but she did it! And she was good at it. Then, when she made varsity volleyball last spring, I was really happy for her...
...until last weekend. I didn't go to the volleyball tournament on Friday, and she apparently got to play some. However, I went on Saturday, and she didn't play at all. At all. There were a few other girls that didn't either.
And as a mother, my protective instincts are showing up, in my head anyway.
"Do you realize how GOOD she is?"
"She was one of the star players on club!"
"She's very consistent and she has a great attitude."
"How much do I pay for her to be on this team again?"
"Are you crazy, why are you not putting her in?"
And it goes progressively downhill from there. How easy it is for our circumstances to rule our emotional well-being. I just want to be RIGHT. I just want to get MY WAY. And get OUT OF THE WAY if you mess with my kid, OKAY?
This is what she got as the response when she asked about why she wasn't playing:
"You're an underclassman."
"You're not quite as powerful as the other right-handed hitter."
"We have three right-handed hitters and I can only sub one in per game."
GRRR. Yes. I need grace. I need mercy. I need the gospel.
My daughter K is on the varsity volleyball team. I wanted her to play club volleyball in the spring so she could keep up her skills and learn new ones. I also thought it would help her when she played this year. And it was hard, but she did it! And she was good at it. Then, when she made varsity volleyball last spring, I was really happy for her...
...until last weekend. I didn't go to the volleyball tournament on Friday, and she apparently got to play some. However, I went on Saturday, and she didn't play at all. At all. There were a few other girls that didn't either.
And as a mother, my protective instincts are showing up, in my head anyway.
"Do you realize how GOOD she is?"
"She was one of the star players on club!"
"She's very consistent and she has a great attitude."
"How much do I pay for her to be on this team again?"
"Are you crazy, why are you not putting her in?"
And it goes progressively downhill from there. How easy it is for our circumstances to rule our emotional well-being. I just want to be RIGHT. I just want to get MY WAY. And get OUT OF THE WAY if you mess with my kid, OKAY?
This is what she got as the response when she asked about why she wasn't playing:
"You're an underclassman."
"You're not quite as powerful as the other right-handed hitter."
"We have three right-handed hitters and I can only sub one in per game."
GRRR. Yes. I need grace. I need mercy. I need the gospel.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Two weeks of crazy
The last two weeks have been a maelstrom of activity. I like that word, maelstrom. It reminds me of that ride at Disneyworld in the Norwegian land, in Epcot. It's such a silly ride but we always go because we just want to stop walking! Epcot is one of the largest parks there, after all.
Anyway, I'm going to detail out a list of our family's activity.
Sunday, August 12 - church, dinner with M and K - sort of our last dinner as a family before M moved out.
The week of Aug 13 - Volleyball two-a-days all week.
Monday, August 13 - M moved out to her new place. It's a condo, and she's staying with one of her friends from her first year of college who I love, and whose family I love. Then, K also invited some friends to spend the night, so we went to Taziki's and ate and then went bowling. Fun times!
Tuesday, August 14 - dinner with Beth and her girls, then painting pictures for fun.
Thursday, August 16 - Dessert night and the last night of summer bible study! Read "Girls Gone Wise" which sounds a little sketchy but had some really good, biblically-based truths. You can get it at this link.
Friday, August 17 - My friend Lynn's 40th birthday party! We had a spend-the-night gig at Amanda's and went out to Fig for appetizers. We even did a shot with some whipped cream vodka. We also played a board game based on Awkward Family Photos. Lots of giggling with hilarious women.
Saturday, August 18 - Went four wheeling for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his daughter. Then went out for dinner and watched the third Bourne movie. What a great day!
Monday, August 20 - First day of 10th grade for K. What? WHAT?! We also found a rug and duvet cover for her room while bargain shopping that day. Woot woot!
Thursday, August 23 - took some soup to M, who was under the weather, and it was only the second day of class for her. She is a trooper.
Friday, August 24 - Worked at a Habitat For Humanity house for the first time in my life. Got to use a nail gun to put in window casings, then built some window casings with a miter saw and a table saw. We met the homeowner, Earlene Jemison, who was adorable. It was an amazing day but man was I wiped afterward!
Saturday, August 25 - K's first volleyball tournament. She didn't play at all (on Sat, she did play on Friday, but I played hooky that day). We then went shopping and headed towards our friends' the Ditoros for a book club event. Delicious food and a bloody mary to boot!
So...not much time to write. Only a little time to think. But good, clean fun. Well, the four wheeling was a little dirty...
Anyway, I'm going to detail out a list of our family's activity.
Sunday, August 12 - church, dinner with M and K - sort of our last dinner as a family before M moved out.
The week of Aug 13 - Volleyball two-a-days all week.
Monday, August 13 - M moved out to her new place. It's a condo, and she's staying with one of her friends from her first year of college who I love, and whose family I love. Then, K also invited some friends to spend the night, so we went to Taziki's and ate and then went bowling. Fun times!
Tuesday, August 14 - dinner with Beth and her girls, then painting pictures for fun.
Thursday, August 16 - Dessert night and the last night of summer bible study! Read "Girls Gone Wise" which sounds a little sketchy but had some really good, biblically-based truths. You can get it at this link.
Friday, August 17 - My friend Lynn's 40th birthday party! We had a spend-the-night gig at Amanda's and went out to Fig for appetizers. We even did a shot with some whipped cream vodka. We also played a board game based on Awkward Family Photos. Lots of giggling with hilarious women.
Saturday, August 18 - Went four wheeling for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his daughter. Then went out for dinner and watched the third Bourne movie. What a great day!
Monday, August 20 - First day of 10th grade for K. What? WHAT?! We also found a rug and duvet cover for her room while bargain shopping that day. Woot woot!
Thursday, August 23 - took some soup to M, who was under the weather, and it was only the second day of class for her. She is a trooper.
Friday, August 24 - Worked at a Habitat For Humanity house for the first time in my life. Got to use a nail gun to put in window casings, then built some window casings with a miter saw and a table saw. We met the homeowner, Earlene Jemison, who was adorable. It was an amazing day but man was I wiped afterward!
Saturday, August 25 - K's first volleyball tournament. She didn't play at all (on Sat, she did play on Friday, but I played hooky that day). We then went shopping and headed towards our friends' the Ditoros for a book club event. Delicious food and a bloody mary to boot!
So...not much time to write. Only a little time to think. But good, clean fun. Well, the four wheeling was a little dirty...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Marriage and its Seeming Impossibleness
As someone who has been single for ten years, I think about marriage a lot. And not in a "27 Dresses" kind of way.
I've already posted about men and women and their roles.
I've already talked about how I'm an unexpected single mom.
I never understood that marital strife was common when I was married. Back then, I thought those tough times during marriage happened only to me. I thought I was long-suffering in some cases, and in others, I was not very good at being a partner. I thought it was about compromise. And I did think that we lost pieces of ourselves in marriage, but it was for the greater purpose of the family.
"How strange," I think, now. "Did I even understand anything?" I puzzle and grieve over my own sin pretty much every day. If you don't get the idea of sin and total depravity right, any humility you have will be false. And, you will not get it when you see your own sin staring back at you in an argument that you didn't start.
Here are some issues I didn't see that could help with my sanctification:
Moodiness. It happens to one of you, and the other has to deal with it.
Disagreements over _____ (money, raising kids, how to fold clothes, name it). One of you must be right, don't you think?
Not being enough to make the other person feel better. Isn't that what love is?
Temper. Enough said.
What are you saying? Sometimes you're just on two different wavelengths.
Body language that is so obviously saying something. No, I didn't just roll my eyes.
Foot in mouth disease. Did I just put you down, and in front of others? That's not what I meant.
Any of this sound familiar? It takes me back to how absolutely human I was. How human I still am. Just because I understand sin a little better (thanks to the Holy Spirit) doesn't mean that I won't fall prey to these thought patterns now. (yes, I know that was a double negative, get over it).
I've been exposed to people going through marital difficulties for the past four years. I've listened to them, talked with them about how they're acting, feeling, and reacting. I even spent some time recently with a non-believing couple. Boy, that was impossible for me to know what to say. After all, with all of the aforementioned issues, how is marriage supposed to thrive? The simple answer is that it's almost impossible without the gospel.
I don't claim to be a marital counselor. However, I also know that it takes two people in a marriage. It's usually one that wants to leave. Before it gets to that point, this is some of what I've learned that I didn't apply to my own marriage:
Here's another interesting point: I'm still being sanctified as a divorced Christian. To God be the glory.
I've already posted about men and women and their roles.
I've already talked about how I'm an unexpected single mom.
But I haven't talked about how hard my marriage was at times, and how I've seen this reflected in other marriages. I haven't talked about our Sunday School class that we're in right now that is NOT ABOUT MARRIAGE (the elders repeat this over and over, it makes me laugh) but is rather about men and women. There are constant refrains in the lessons, though, and one of them is that we are sanctified through marriage. Sanctified. Big theological word. I define it as being made holy. Here's a post about sanctification, from ligonier.org, RC Sproul's ministry. It mentions the Westminster Shorter Catechism definition, which says "sanctification is “the work of God’s free grace, whereby we are renewed in the whole man after the image of God, and are enabled more and more to die unto sin, and live unto righteousness.”
I never understood that marital strife was common when I was married. Back then, I thought those tough times during marriage happened only to me. I thought I was long-suffering in some cases, and in others, I was not very good at being a partner. I thought it was about compromise. And I did think that we lost pieces of ourselves in marriage, but it was for the greater purpose of the family.
"How strange," I think, now. "Did I even understand anything?" I puzzle and grieve over my own sin pretty much every day. If you don't get the idea of sin and total depravity right, any humility you have will be false. And, you will not get it when you see your own sin staring back at you in an argument that you didn't start.
Here are some issues I didn't see that could help with my sanctification:
Moodiness. It happens to one of you, and the other has to deal with it.
Disagreements over _____ (money, raising kids, how to fold clothes, name it). One of you must be right, don't you think?
Not being enough to make the other person feel better. Isn't that what love is?
Temper. Enough said.
What are you saying? Sometimes you're just on two different wavelengths.
Body language that is so obviously saying something. No, I didn't just roll my eyes.
Foot in mouth disease. Did I just put you down, and in front of others? That's not what I meant.
Any of this sound familiar? It takes me back to how absolutely human I was. How human I still am. Just because I understand sin a little better (thanks to the Holy Spirit) doesn't mean that I won't fall prey to these thought patterns now. (yes, I know that was a double negative, get over it).
I've been exposed to people going through marital difficulties for the past four years. I've listened to them, talked with them about how they're acting, feeling, and reacting. I even spent some time recently with a non-believing couple. Boy, that was impossible for me to know what to say. After all, with all of the aforementioned issues, how is marriage supposed to thrive? The simple answer is that it's almost impossible without the gospel.
I don't claim to be a marital counselor. However, I also know that it takes two people in a marriage. It's usually one that wants to leave. Before it gets to that point, this is some of what I've learned that I didn't apply to my own marriage:
- Marriage is not for you to be happy. It is designed to be God-glorifying, so He must come first.
- It is designed to sanctify you.
- Marriage is NOT supposed to be easy. Two sinners living in a fishbowl, and all that.
- There should be compromise in marriage, but ultimately, there should be one person that is held accountable for the decision-making. Yes, it's the man. So, marry someone who will make decisions you can support.
- God makes things right. Not you. Listen to Him.
Here's another interesting point: I'm still being sanctified as a divorced Christian. To God be the glory.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Fence
I've had sort of an emotional couple of weeks and haven't blogged about them. It's difficult to know where to start. So, I think I'll avoid the most personal topics and go to one that addresses something very public but also reveals my heart.
In the last couple of weeks, there was a furor on Facebook over Chick Fil A. I have friends on both sides of the fence so I saw a lot of divided posts. It's actually kind of funny, looking back. However, last week, I just got plain tired of it all. Frankly, I read too much.
Just to link to a few of the pertinent articles from some of the "chick fil a sucks" side:
http://matthewpaulturner.net/blog/5-reasons-why-the-church-failed-yesterday/?wpmp_tp=0
http://oddmanout.net/post/28484026012/chick-fil-activism
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/01/chick-fil-a-anti-gay-controversy-employees-speak-out_n_1729968.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=3151290,b=facebook
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/conor-gaughan/chick-fil-a-homophobia_b_1711566.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Then, the articles from the "chick fil a rocks" side:
http://www.grbc.net/blog/2012/08/01/why-i-plan-to-eat-at-chick-fil-a-today/
http://www.dennyburk.com/two-lies-about-chick-fil-a-perpetuated-in-the-media/
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/07/in-defense-of-eating-at-chick-fil-a/260139/#.UBAtOA2J9ZE.facebook
Then you have those that counseled both sides:
http://rachelheldevans.com/chick-fil-a#.UBn0r_PJLRk.facebook
In reviewing the posts/articles, you might notice a common theme. The first side categorizes ChickFilA's stance as anti-human-rights, anti-church, anti-gay. The second side categorizes it as pro-family, pro-free-speech, pro-tolerance. Yes, I said pro-tolerance. So what's the common theme? For the most part, each side didn't necessarily argue against each other. They argued points to support what they wanted to believe and didn't acknowledge the fallacies in the positions they supported. The whole thing frustrated me, but it also made me wonder which side I was actually on.
First, as a Christian who holds scripture as God-breathed and inerrant (all of it, not parts of it), I uphold that marriage is between a man and a woman. It's clear in Genesis and in 1 Corinthians, amongst other scripture. It's not my words, but God's words. I have wrestled and wrestled about my attitudes towards gays. I have a dear wonderful close friend who is gay. I have other acquaintances that are gay. Some are Christians. Some might question how gay people can be Christian, but then I remember that my own sin colors everything I do and I am in Jesus' family; how is my sin less than theirs? The answers on how Christians should treat gay people are not pat by any means. Regardless, getting back to marriage, I think Dan Cathy's comments were meant to support scripture. I think his wording was carefully chosen. He said, " 'We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit,' he said. 'We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.' " Quite frankly, I could be offended; I'm not married to my first spouse. I also think without the Holy Spirit, his wording would be seen as hate-filled. I completely agreed with the Atlantic when the editor asks, "Do we really want our commercial lives and our political lives to be so wholly intermeshed? And is this really the kind of culture we want to create?"
But then I saw the glut of posts from my friends in the Christian south. And I have to admit, I started to get a little frustrated. Partly because I was wondering if they were supporting a business, or really trying to support scripture? And my problem with the latter was, do these people actually go to church more than they go to Chick Fil A and tithe to it, support it, love it? Christ loved the church! Let's brag about our churches first, and a fast food restaurant maybe 10th. I also read a bit more and realized that Chick Fil A contributes to organizations that link gays to pedophiles. That just bothers me.
Quite frankly, I like Chick Fil A's food. I like their clean restaurants. I like their service. If they give money to those types of groups, shame on them. But I'd bet Disney, which I also love, gives money to groups that I don't support either.
Yeah, I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on, exactly. I don't necessarily support any of these "political" groups. I want to get to the idols in my own heart and stop trying to be right all the time...I want to love the Lord Jesus with all my heart and go from there.
And, in other news, the Olympics, which is supposed to model peace and unity across the nations, goes on in London.
In the last couple of weeks, there was a furor on Facebook over Chick Fil A. I have friends on both sides of the fence so I saw a lot of divided posts. It's actually kind of funny, looking back. However, last week, I just got plain tired of it all. Frankly, I read too much.
Just to link to a few of the pertinent articles from some of the "chick fil a sucks" side:
http://matthewpaulturner.net/blog/5-reasons-why-the-church-failed-yesterday/?wpmp_tp=0
http://oddmanout.net/post/28484026012/chick-fil-activism
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/01/chick-fil-a-anti-gay-controversy-employees-speak-out_n_1729968.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=3151290,b=facebook
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/conor-gaughan/chick-fil-a-homophobia_b_1711566.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
Then, the articles from the "chick fil a rocks" side:
http://www.grbc.net/blog/2012/08/01/why-i-plan-to-eat-at-chick-fil-a-today/
http://www.dennyburk.com/two-lies-about-chick-fil-a-perpetuated-in-the-media/
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/07/in-defense-of-eating-at-chick-fil-a/260139/#.UBAtOA2J9ZE.facebook
Then you have those that counseled both sides:
http://rachelheldevans.com/chick-fil-a#.UBn0r_PJLRk.facebook
In reviewing the posts/articles, you might notice a common theme. The first side categorizes ChickFilA's stance as anti-human-rights, anti-church, anti-gay. The second side categorizes it as pro-family, pro-free-speech, pro-tolerance. Yes, I said pro-tolerance. So what's the common theme? For the most part, each side didn't necessarily argue against each other. They argued points to support what they wanted to believe and didn't acknowledge the fallacies in the positions they supported. The whole thing frustrated me, but it also made me wonder which side I was actually on.
First, as a Christian who holds scripture as God-breathed and inerrant (all of it, not parts of it), I uphold that marriage is between a man and a woman. It's clear in Genesis and in 1 Corinthians, amongst other scripture. It's not my words, but God's words. I have wrestled and wrestled about my attitudes towards gays. I have a dear wonderful close friend who is gay. I have other acquaintances that are gay. Some are Christians. Some might question how gay people can be Christian, but then I remember that my own sin colors everything I do and I am in Jesus' family; how is my sin less than theirs? The answers on how Christians should treat gay people are not pat by any means. Regardless, getting back to marriage, I think Dan Cathy's comments were meant to support scripture. I think his wording was carefully chosen. He said, " 'We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit,' he said. 'We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.' " Quite frankly, I could be offended; I'm not married to my first spouse. I also think without the Holy Spirit, his wording would be seen as hate-filled. I completely agreed with the Atlantic when the editor asks, "Do we really want our commercial lives and our political lives to be so wholly intermeshed? And is this really the kind of culture we want to create?"
But then I saw the glut of posts from my friends in the Christian south. And I have to admit, I started to get a little frustrated. Partly because I was wondering if they were supporting a business, or really trying to support scripture? And my problem with the latter was, do these people actually go to church more than they go to Chick Fil A and tithe to it, support it, love it? Christ loved the church! Let's brag about our churches first, and a fast food restaurant maybe 10th. I also read a bit more and realized that Chick Fil A contributes to organizations that link gays to pedophiles. That just bothers me.
Quite frankly, I like Chick Fil A's food. I like their clean restaurants. I like their service. If they give money to those types of groups, shame on them. But I'd bet Disney, which I also love, gives money to groups that I don't support either.
Yeah, I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on, exactly. I don't necessarily support any of these "political" groups. I want to get to the idols in my own heart and stop trying to be right all the time...I want to love the Lord Jesus with all my heart and go from there.
And, in other news, the Olympics, which is supposed to model peace and unity across the nations, goes on in London.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
The Agony and the Ecstasy of Parenting
Last week, I spent a week getting to know my nieces. One is 6, the other is two weeks old. The thing that shocked me was the pang I felt in caring for them. I helped my six-year-old niece with taking showers. I sat with her as she ate her meals. I played in the sprinkler with her and also played with her in the park. We made a craft box together. With my baby niece, I held her, kissed her, and even fed her from a bottle (she is breast fed so that was a little unusual). I observed, observed, observed. And reminisced.
I'm overwhelmed right now as I write this. My babies aren't quite grown. But it's been a long time since I did anything like this with either of them. And you miss it. You don't think you will because for crying out loud, it's hard work. But the sweetness of their desire for you to pay attention is not quite as pronounced when they get older. I don't have to tie shoelaces anymore. Or buckle seatbelts. Or make sure they've wiped properly (sorry). I don't have to comfort them in the middle of the night when there's a bad dream. Or be their girl scout troop leader. Or go to New Orleans on a field trip. I don't argue with them about their Limited Too purchases anymore. I don't force feed them with vegetables, or withhold dessert. I don't have daily devotions with them, or coach them in catechism memorization. I don't have to wake them up in the morning, or lock them in their room at night (a story for another day). No more spankings, or teaching them about how to put things away.
Instead, we talk. We laugh. We watch TV or movies. We discuss God's sovereignty. We discuss relationships. I'm teaching one to learn how to drive. The other is learning about how many boxes of checks to take to her summer job. I still discipline, at least the youngest one. I still nag. I still worry. still pray. Maybe I pray even more now. My friend Bonnie sent me this blogpost last summer, which I found very comforting.
A lot of times, I'm glad that I don't have to worry about the day to day caregiving anymore. However, sometimes this stuff really hits me.
I'm overwhelmed right now as I write this. My babies aren't quite grown. But it's been a long time since I did anything like this with either of them. And you miss it. You don't think you will because for crying out loud, it's hard work. But the sweetness of their desire for you to pay attention is not quite as pronounced when they get older. I don't have to tie shoelaces anymore. Or buckle seatbelts. Or make sure they've wiped properly (sorry). I don't have to comfort them in the middle of the night when there's a bad dream. Or be their girl scout troop leader. Or go to New Orleans on a field trip. I don't argue with them about their Limited Too purchases anymore. I don't force feed them with vegetables, or withhold dessert. I don't have daily devotions with them, or coach them in catechism memorization. I don't have to wake them up in the morning, or lock them in their room at night (a story for another day). No more spankings, or teaching them about how to put things away.
Instead, we talk. We laugh. We watch TV or movies. We discuss God's sovereignty. We discuss relationships. I'm teaching one to learn how to drive. The other is learning about how many boxes of checks to take to her summer job. I still discipline, at least the youngest one. I still nag. I still worry. still pray. Maybe I pray even more now. My friend Bonnie sent me this blogpost last summer, which I found very comforting.
A lot of times, I'm glad that I don't have to worry about the day to day caregiving anymore. However, sometimes this stuff really hits me.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
A weekend in Fort Walton
Last weekend, K and I went to visit M in Fort Walton. She's there for the summer, working with Summer Beach Project, a Christian organization that takes college students and prepares them to evangelize, disciple, and fellowship with others while working at a place to earn their keep. I have to admit when I heard about it I was pretty excited. First, it would get M out of town. Going to college in the same town she grew up in was not exactly what M wanted, but I was happy about. Still, I understood the need to get away from home because I'd done the same thing. I needed the space to spread my wings, if you want to get really cliched about it. Next, some of the people that have been to Summer Beach Project in the past were people that I respect and love. I was really hoping she would meet other believers that would encourage her and she could learn from. Finally, she'd get to work at a fast food restaurant...at least that's what I hoped, anyway, not because I'm a cruel and unfeeling parent, but because it's real life. It's a way of learning service, hard work, and dealing with people who aren't very nice.
Well, it's turned out kind of like I'd prayed about. She's working at Whataburger. Her bosses are nice but firm. She has three cute Christian roommates. She is on her own, figuring out how to visit doctors, do her own laundry, and live her own life. She has four, yeah, count em, four nights of meetings with people in the group doing a variety of bible studies, praying, and/or fellowshipping. She is really, really independent. Wait. Is this what I really wanted?
K and I drove down on Friday and returned on Sunday. In between...we reunited with our beloved M. We got to see her working at Whataburger, and I snapped pictures and video like she was a celebrity. She is a good, hard worker there and two of her bosses told me so. One of them said he was hoping she would work for years, but she doesn't seem that interested in a long-term commitment. LOL. She worked in the morning, and then in the afternoon, we walked out of her little apartment and then we were right on the beach. K is like a fish so she headed out into the red-flag waves. M sat with me and we talked about her work, her friends, and what she's learned. Their dad showed up, too, which you'd think might be awkward but it wasn't. He sat with M for a while, swam a bit with K, and then walked with them to a pier. He really cares about what they think. K said it was really good for him to just spend time with the two of them; she said he sometimes "gets tired," or worn down, from the little ones he also has.
We then went back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. I decided to leave to let the ex get ready, and K and I went to the pool. We were then accosted by a housekeeper, and she accused us of being too young to go to the pool by ourselves, but I looked her in the eye and said, "I'm over 18." Talk about aggressive, right? While getting ready, we all shared memories of being at the beach together and even before then, which again, wasn't awkward. Really, at this point, I was realizing the beauty of grace and forgiveness. We left, headed towards the evening program from SBP, but got misdirected twice. We gave up and went to eat. Their dad left after that.
The next day, we went to church with M, had lunch with her and her bestie down there, and left. What a neat feeling to go to church and realizing she was being ministered to by another congregation. It made me appreciate what our job should be at my own church. How sweet it is to be a part of the growth of young, impressionable, adults. It was a great, wonderful, weekend.
Well, it's turned out kind of like I'd prayed about. She's working at Whataburger. Her bosses are nice but firm. She has three cute Christian roommates. She is on her own, figuring out how to visit doctors, do her own laundry, and live her own life. She has four, yeah, count em, four nights of meetings with people in the group doing a variety of bible studies, praying, and/or fellowshipping. She is really, really independent. Wait. Is this what I really wanted?
K and I drove down on Friday and returned on Sunday. In between...we reunited with our beloved M. We got to see her working at Whataburger, and I snapped pictures and video like she was a celebrity. She is a good, hard worker there and two of her bosses told me so. One of them said he was hoping she would work for years, but she doesn't seem that interested in a long-term commitment. LOL. She worked in the morning, and then in the afternoon, we walked out of her little apartment and then we were right on the beach. K is like a fish so she headed out into the red-flag waves. M sat with me and we talked about her work, her friends, and what she's learned. Their dad showed up, too, which you'd think might be awkward but it wasn't. He sat with M for a while, swam a bit with K, and then walked with them to a pier. He really cares about what they think. K said it was really good for him to just spend time with the two of them; she said he sometimes "gets tired," or worn down, from the little ones he also has.
We then went back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. I decided to leave to let the ex get ready, and K and I went to the pool. We were then accosted by a housekeeper, and she accused us of being too young to go to the pool by ourselves, but I looked her in the eye and said, "I'm over 18." Talk about aggressive, right? While getting ready, we all shared memories of being at the beach together and even before then, which again, wasn't awkward. Really, at this point, I was realizing the beauty of grace and forgiveness. We left, headed towards the evening program from SBP, but got misdirected twice. We gave up and went to eat. Their dad left after that.
The next day, we went to church with M, had lunch with her and her bestie down there, and left. What a neat feeling to go to church and realizing she was being ministered to by another congregation. It made me appreciate what our job should be at my own church. How sweet it is to be a part of the growth of young, impressionable, adults. It was a great, wonderful, weekend.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Dad's Memories
I spent some time with my Dad this weekend. Since it was just me and my parents, I took the opportunity to ask them some questions about their lives.
Dad said his father was a bit of a lazy guy. He didn't do much and really didn't know how to take care of himself very well; he was swindled by business partners and lost a good bit of money. His grandfather, though, was a smart guy. Dad doesn't remember how he passed away; apparently he died when my dad was very small. My dad's favorite foods were idli, sambar, and chicken. He lived, after second grade, with his aunt and uncle. He said he didn't ask for much, since he had to take what he was given. He said he pretty much lived his life that way in India, and didn't learn to speak up for himself until he went to college.
Dad went to graduate school at Duke University. He got his PhD there. When he came over from India, he had a room in dorm, and he roomed with a guy named Jeff Hoyt. As far as food went, when he went to restaurants, he only really recognized hard-boiled eggs. So he ate those every day with milk the first few weeks. Apparently that gave him a good bit of discomfort (gee, wonder why). So his roommate Jeff took him out and ordered steaks. "How am I supposed to eat this, Jeff?" Dad asked. "With a knife and fork!" Jeff replied. Jeff apparently is an administrator at a high school in Massachusetts, now.
Dad said one day, he found a wallet in a bathroom at Duke. It had a driver's license and $60. A lot of money in those days, around 1966. My dad said he found the number of the guy from a secretary, and called him up and told him that he had the wallet. The guy, another graduate student, met my Dad at his dorm and spent two hours talking with him. He shook my dad's hand when he left. Jeff was sitting there, watching my dad, in amazement. "I thought kids from India just took money they found because they were so poor!" Dad said, "Well, it wasn't mine." My dad thinks that really made an impression on Jeff, because the next semester, they both decided to live together in an apartment off-campus because it was cheaper. Unfortunately, Jeff ended up leaving Duke after that first year because he was drafted.
Dad likes to tell the story about how he went to a diner with a friend named Dick Stevenson. The diner had a sign posted, "whites only." He apparently didn't understand and went in to eat with his friend. He was promptly escorted out, and thankfully, his friend left too.
I didn't realize that he had to work to pay for the dorm and apartment. Apparently, his job was to take measurements of rooms for the School of Engineering. They did that as a job? He was paid $1.25 an hour. He said that was good money. He worked with his friend Paramesh and also with Dick.
He went fishing with Paramesh and Dick one weekend. I asked if he'd gone fishing much in India. "No way, that's low class in India. You hire people to do that. People would look at you like you were crazy if you said you went to fish!"
Dad got his first driving lesson from a country guy named Bill (I think). Bill took Dad out, first thing, on the interstate. "You're 30 years old! You should be able to do this!" Bill said. Dad had driven 20 mph, max, in India, and started getting nervous after a while. Bill let Dad pull over after that. Later, Dad somehow scraped enough money together ($250) to buy his first car. It was a Chevrolet Biscayne, didn't get great gas mileage, but it was a set of wheels. He bought it from a priest. He figured it must have been a good deal since it came from a priest.
Dad said his father was a bit of a lazy guy. He didn't do much and really didn't know how to take care of himself very well; he was swindled by business partners and lost a good bit of money. His grandfather, though, was a smart guy. Dad doesn't remember how he passed away; apparently he died when my dad was very small. My dad's favorite foods were idli, sambar, and chicken. He lived, after second grade, with his aunt and uncle. He said he didn't ask for much, since he had to take what he was given. He said he pretty much lived his life that way in India, and didn't learn to speak up for himself until he went to college.
Dad went to graduate school at Duke University. He got his PhD there. When he came over from India, he had a room in dorm, and he roomed with a guy named Jeff Hoyt. As far as food went, when he went to restaurants, he only really recognized hard-boiled eggs. So he ate those every day with milk the first few weeks. Apparently that gave him a good bit of discomfort (gee, wonder why). So his roommate Jeff took him out and ordered steaks. "How am I supposed to eat this, Jeff?" Dad asked. "With a knife and fork!" Jeff replied. Jeff apparently is an administrator at a high school in Massachusetts, now.
Dad said one day, he found a wallet in a bathroom at Duke. It had a driver's license and $60. A lot of money in those days, around 1966. My dad said he found the number of the guy from a secretary, and called him up and told him that he had the wallet. The guy, another graduate student, met my Dad at his dorm and spent two hours talking with him. He shook my dad's hand when he left. Jeff was sitting there, watching my dad, in amazement. "I thought kids from India just took money they found because they were so poor!" Dad said, "Well, it wasn't mine." My dad thinks that really made an impression on Jeff, because the next semester, they both decided to live together in an apartment off-campus because it was cheaper. Unfortunately, Jeff ended up leaving Duke after that first year because he was drafted.
Dad likes to tell the story about how he went to a diner with a friend named Dick Stevenson. The diner had a sign posted, "whites only." He apparently didn't understand and went in to eat with his friend. He was promptly escorted out, and thankfully, his friend left too.
I didn't realize that he had to work to pay for the dorm and apartment. Apparently, his job was to take measurements of rooms for the School of Engineering. They did that as a job? He was paid $1.25 an hour. He said that was good money. He worked with his friend Paramesh and also with Dick.
He went fishing with Paramesh and Dick one weekend. I asked if he'd gone fishing much in India. "No way, that's low class in India. You hire people to do that. People would look at you like you were crazy if you said you went to fish!"
Dad got his first driving lesson from a country guy named Bill (I think). Bill took Dad out, first thing, on the interstate. "You're 30 years old! You should be able to do this!" Bill said. Dad had driven 20 mph, max, in India, and started getting nervous after a while. Bill let Dad pull over after that. Later, Dad somehow scraped enough money together ($250) to buy his first car. It was a Chevrolet Biscayne, didn't get great gas mileage, but it was a set of wheels. He bought it from a priest. He figured it must have been a good deal since it came from a priest.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Yokes, Salt, and Light
I have been reviewing these verses recently from 2 Cor 6.
11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
17 Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
18 and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”
(2 Corinthians 6:11-18 ESV)
Mainly, the one I'm curious about is 2 Cor 6:14. Many use that verse in relation to marriage. "Do not be unequally yoked in marriage" is something I heard a lot when going through my divorce. Makes sense to me, although I'd never believed that before becoming a Christian. But, knowing that faith often drives your morals/drive/will to live, there's room for contention when you disagree with your spouse on basic tenets of life, particularly when you're raising children.
But there is more to these verses than marriage. It's about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Some interpret these verses as limiting association with others. This, for me, is incomprehensible. How does one who is friends with non-believers, who has non-believing family, limit association and still be salt and light in the world? For, after all, from Matthew 5:
13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.
14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Yet, limiting association is what some believe. I'm not going to link to those articles, because, well, I just don't buy it. I cannot buy it. God drew me in as a believer in my late 20s, raised by a Hindu and an agnostic, so that I would limit association with them? It doesn't make sense to me. How could I honor them as my parents this way? God knew they were my parents. That wasn't an accident.
I realize that my feelings lean a certain way here. This might mean that I interpret the verses the way I want to. However, I have some others that I think are smarter than me, interpreting them in a way that does make sense to me. First, some interpret this to limit spiritual enterprises. One of the articles talks about the references to Belial and to the temple as pointing to wariness when it comes to worship-related enterprises. That seems to make sense to me. If you're going to have an enterprise related to the Gospel, why partner with a non-believer? And, getting back to marriage, what is marriage if it doesn't point to what we worship and expose the Gospel? It shows how we worship ourselves, our spouse, and/or God. So yes, secondly, I do believe these verses point to marriage, too.
1. http://provocativechristian.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/provocative-bible-verses-do-not-be-unequally-yoked-with-unbelievers/
2. http://theexpositor.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/being-unequally-yoked-with-unbeleivers/
3. http://stevenjcamp.blogspot.com/2008/06/unequally-yoked-what-it-means-and-how.html
I like this conclusion in one of the articles:
Be in the world; be involved in your communities; love your neighbors; do good work at your place of employ; honor the Lord with excellence in those things.
11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
17 Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
18 and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”
(2 Corinthians 6:11-18 ESV)
Mainly, the one I'm curious about is 2 Cor 6:14. Many use that verse in relation to marriage. "Do not be unequally yoked in marriage" is something I heard a lot when going through my divorce. Makes sense to me, although I'd never believed that before becoming a Christian. But, knowing that faith often drives your morals/drive/will to live, there's room for contention when you disagree with your spouse on basic tenets of life, particularly when you're raising children.
But there is more to these verses than marriage. It's about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. Some interpret these verses as limiting association with others. This, for me, is incomprehensible. How does one who is friends with non-believers, who has non-believing family, limit association and still be salt and light in the world? For, after all, from Matthew 5:
13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.
14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Yet, limiting association is what some believe. I'm not going to link to those articles, because, well, I just don't buy it. I cannot buy it. God drew me in as a believer in my late 20s, raised by a Hindu and an agnostic, so that I would limit association with them? It doesn't make sense to me. How could I honor them as my parents this way? God knew they were my parents. That wasn't an accident.
I realize that my feelings lean a certain way here. This might mean that I interpret the verses the way I want to. However, I have some others that I think are smarter than me, interpreting them in a way that does make sense to me. First, some interpret this to limit spiritual enterprises. One of the articles talks about the references to Belial and to the temple as pointing to wariness when it comes to worship-related enterprises. That seems to make sense to me. If you're going to have an enterprise related to the Gospel, why partner with a non-believer? And, getting back to marriage, what is marriage if it doesn't point to what we worship and expose the Gospel? It shows how we worship ourselves, our spouse, and/or God. So yes, secondly, I do believe these verses point to marriage, too.
1. http://provocativechristian.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/provocative-bible-verses-do-not-be-unequally-yoked-with-unbelievers/
2. http://theexpositor.wordpress.com/2010/11/05/being-unequally-yoked-with-unbeleivers/
3. http://stevenjcamp.blogspot.com/2008/06/unequally-yoked-what-it-means-and-how.html
I like this conclusion in one of the articles:
Be in the world; be involved in your communities; love your neighbors; do good work at your place of employ; honor the Lord with excellence in those things.
But don’t be of the
world. If a nonbeliever is touched by the young people being changed in
your area, don’t seek to approach them for co-ownership of your work, approach
them with the life-giving truths of the gospel.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Thanks for friends
This is the letter I sent out to those who donated to M's summer project.
"It’s the day before Melody is due to leave for Summer Beach Project. She is going out tonight for a while, saying goodbye to friends. It seems hardest, don’t you think, when you are the first to leave? Everyone else seems to be having fun, yet you must go.
"It’s the day before Melody is due to leave for Summer Beach Project. She is going out tonight for a while, saying goodbye to friends. It seems hardest, don’t you think, when you are the first to leave? Everyone else seems to be having fun, yet you must go.
God leads us sometimes this way. We must go places when we don’t
like the timing, or maybe where we don’t even want to go. I really didn’t want
Melody to “grow up” and fly away from home. I have to admit my own weakness
here and say part of that came from wondering if I’d done “enough” as her
parent. Did I teach her how to live on her own correctly? Did I teach her how
to navigate relationships properly? Will she know how to express herself
without my guidance? Yes, as you can tell from my words, I had to learn the
lesson (and I still am learning it) that my “control” of my daughters is really
not my “control.” God has a plan for them, just as He did for me.
I told Melody today that my main prayer for her is this:
that she would grow in her desire to know Him this summer. I pray that she
finds friends to help her in this endeavor. Growing in faith doesn’t
necessarily mean acting a certain way, but it will result in more humility in realizing
what He has done for us, and how much we don’t deserve it. I pray that she
finds a place to worship, as our home at Riverwood Presbyterian Church is the
only one she’s known and we love it there. I pray that she would also learn how
to say “no” sometimes. She and I both have trouble with that.
I can’t express to you how thankful I am for your help in
her summer effort. I’ve known this for some time, but my children are so
impacted by my friends. Yes, they learn to think like their own friends when
they are younger. Yet, they also listen and “catch” some of what my own friends
teach, as well. She has certainly blossomed into a careful thinker through the
influence of many, and you have been one of those that have helped influence
her. You have now blessed us with your donation, and I am so grateful for you.
I’m encouraging her to keep a blog, or an email thread, to
keep us apprised of her weekly happenings. Hopefully she will do this, and if
she does, I will pass it along to you. Thank you again for your meaningful
gift. It means the world to us."
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Living on your own
I've been off the blogosphere for a while. No particular reason, I actually have three drafts sitting, waiting to be published. I can't seem to finish my writing these days.
M left for the beach yesterday. Not for vacation, but to work. For the first time, she's living somewhere outside of Tuscaloosa, and she's earning money. She's with people she doesn't know. Completely out of her comfort zone.
Makes me think of myself 19 years ago going to Ellicott City, Maryland for a co-op job. I flew there, no car, and commuted 30 min from Ellicott City to Fort Meade with friends every day to work for the Defense Department. It was a thrilling idea after living in Alabama so long. Also, the idea of the projects I could work on for the defense department was extremely exciting! It was more than I could imagine. But the first few days...it was lonely. I missed my family, my friends, my classes. My roommate, Jen, was from Pennsylvania and was sweet, but she was quiet like me and I didn't know how to talk to her. We had an apartment and shared a room. There was one other bedroom, and there were two other girls in there; one was Karyn and there was another girl whose name I can't remember. Karyn was also from Pennsylvania and was firecracker-friendly. She had a smile that made you smile back. The other girl, let's call her Mary, had a boyfriend and prepared dinners for herself and her boyfriend every night. She scared me a little, she was kind of intense. We lived together, made our way to our jobs, and got to know each other, slowly.
That semester in Maryland was one of the most eye-opening times in my life. I made friends like I'd never made before - and I used to really have a hard time with making friends. I learned to live on my own. I had to figure out how to talk to people and make them listen to me. I worked, I earned money, and I even saved money. I met professionals and worked with them. I had my eyes opened on what really happens in the government. It was also at the same time as the Gulf War so I was able to take in what security was really like during a war on a military base. Finally, I had my first date, which led to us being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that eventually led to marriage.
For M, I'm praying for an amazing summer. Sure, I'd love for even one of the things that happened to me to happen to her, but I'd also love for her to have her own life-changing experiences. Learning to live on your own does that to you.
M left for the beach yesterday. Not for vacation, but to work. For the first time, she's living somewhere outside of Tuscaloosa, and she's earning money. She's with people she doesn't know. Completely out of her comfort zone.
Makes me think of myself 19 years ago going to Ellicott City, Maryland for a co-op job. I flew there, no car, and commuted 30 min from Ellicott City to Fort Meade with friends every day to work for the Defense Department. It was a thrilling idea after living in Alabama so long. Also, the idea of the projects I could work on for the defense department was extremely exciting! It was more than I could imagine. But the first few days...it was lonely. I missed my family, my friends, my classes. My roommate, Jen, was from Pennsylvania and was sweet, but she was quiet like me and I didn't know how to talk to her. We had an apartment and shared a room. There was one other bedroom, and there were two other girls in there; one was Karyn and there was another girl whose name I can't remember. Karyn was also from Pennsylvania and was firecracker-friendly. She had a smile that made you smile back. The other girl, let's call her Mary, had a boyfriend and prepared dinners for herself and her boyfriend every night. She scared me a little, she was kind of intense. We lived together, made our way to our jobs, and got to know each other, slowly.
That semester in Maryland was one of the most eye-opening times in my life. I made friends like I'd never made before - and I used to really have a hard time with making friends. I learned to live on my own. I had to figure out how to talk to people and make them listen to me. I worked, I earned money, and I even saved money. I met professionals and worked with them. I had my eyes opened on what really happens in the government. It was also at the same time as the Gulf War so I was able to take in what security was really like during a war on a military base. Finally, I had my first date, which led to us being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that eventually led to marriage.
For M, I'm praying for an amazing summer. Sure, I'd love for even one of the things that happened to me to happen to her, but I'd also love for her to have her own life-changing experiences. Learning to live on your own does that to you.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Perspective in the Big Things
Death, where is thy sting?
Our victory is won.
Death, why should I fear?
Our difficulties are temporary.
Death, you are our enemy,
Yet the battle is not my own.
Death, perspective is everything.
We grieve, but ultimately we can rejoice.
I was recently asked if thinking about death makes us morbid. I suppose there is a sense of obsession that could occur and be unhealthy. To me, thinking of our inheritance is important. Being reminded that there is victory. Knowing He will arrive in just a little while, after we have endured, is key. The righteous live by faith, after all.
From 1 Cor 15:
Our victory is won.
Death, why should I fear?
Our difficulties are temporary.
Death, you are our enemy,
Yet the battle is not my own.
Death, perspective is everything.
We grieve, but ultimately we can rejoice.
I was recently asked if thinking about death makes us morbid. I suppose there is a sense of obsession that could occur and be unhealthy. To me, thinking of our inheritance is important. Being reminded that there is victory. Knowing He will arrive in just a little while, after we have endured, is key. The righteous live by faith, after all.
From 1 Cor 15:
"50 I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. 53 For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54 When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
55 “O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
O death, where is your sting?”
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Turning Forty
It's been a while since I've posted. In that time, I turned the big 4-0. Eventful? Yes, from a social standpoint; but from an age standpoint, it didn't feel like a "rite of passage" moment. Was it supposed to? Was I supposed to have a ton of angst, disenchantment, or relief?
Really, at the crux of it, I'm not insecure about who I am anymore. At the age of 16, I questioned everything; who I was, who my friends were, if anyone liked me, why I was of Indian descent, why I was so sensitive, why my friends seemed to have fun but I didn't, etc etc. That was angst. At the age of 25, I was married and working, with two young children, and I was somewhat comfortable. I didn't feel like an adult yet, though, and I worried constantly with mom-guilt. I also worried about what the world would be like for my girls, what kind of wife I was, and if I was doing all I could in my career. At the age of 30, I was a mess. I'd been a Christian for a couple of years, just separated from my husband, was worried about my kids, and I was just numb.
40 is none of that. The last couple of years in certain ways were like letting go. Some of this, I know, is circumstantial. My kids are 19 and 15 now. I'm on pretty good terms with my ex-husband, thankfully. I still have a job and I love my church. Again, circumstantial. 40 for me is being comfortable, not just with circumstances, but with knowing who I am in Christ. I can't say that I am comfortable with myself - there is so much sin there, it's pretty uncomfortable - but it's about trusting that it will be made right. Rob Looper, a pastor acquaintance of mine, wrote this blogpost which I think is a great way of saying what I'm fumbling around trying to say.
My daughter M threw a wonderful surprise party for me at Olive Garden with the help of friends and family. My sister and parents came to visit, too - also a surprise. What a blessing.
Really, at the crux of it, I'm not insecure about who I am anymore. At the age of 16, I questioned everything; who I was, who my friends were, if anyone liked me, why I was of Indian descent, why I was so sensitive, why my friends seemed to have fun but I didn't, etc etc. That was angst. At the age of 25, I was married and working, with two young children, and I was somewhat comfortable. I didn't feel like an adult yet, though, and I worried constantly with mom-guilt. I also worried about what the world would be like for my girls, what kind of wife I was, and if I was doing all I could in my career. At the age of 30, I was a mess. I'd been a Christian for a couple of years, just separated from my husband, was worried about my kids, and I was just numb.
40 is none of that. The last couple of years in certain ways were like letting go. Some of this, I know, is circumstantial. My kids are 19 and 15 now. I'm on pretty good terms with my ex-husband, thankfully. I still have a job and I love my church. Again, circumstantial. 40 for me is being comfortable, not just with circumstances, but with knowing who I am in Christ. I can't say that I am comfortable with myself - there is so much sin there, it's pretty uncomfortable - but it's about trusting that it will be made right. Rob Looper, a pastor acquaintance of mine, wrote this blogpost which I think is a great way of saying what I'm fumbling around trying to say.
My daughter M threw a wonderful surprise party for me at Olive Garden with the help of friends and family. My sister and parents came to visit, too - also a surprise. What a blessing.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Gentle admonitions
Over the past week, I've had three separate occasions for friends to talk about swearing with me. My feelings on it, at best, are formed from my upbringing, years of confusion about it, and opinions formed by watching and listening to those that I respect, including those that are evangelical believers.
I grew up in a household where we didn't swear. It was sort of shocking to say "damn" and I never did. I wasn't the type to throw out that type of language even in high school, when my peers did it. And I did get made fun of being a goody-two-shoes. I just never actually thought anything about it when people did swear, except if they swore every other word. Seemed excessive, unnecessary, and uneducated. Still, I wondered how saying "darn" was much different from "damn."
When I got married, my husband did swear. Not constantly, just an occasional expletive when angry. It wasn't every day, but often enough that I worried about my daughters hearing the words and repeating them during their tender years. I still wasn't one to swear much, but I did listen to songs with swear words in them. It was sort of shocking if I ever said "hell" at work. From this I learned that to be effective and meaningful at swearing, you only did it once in a blue moon to get people's attention.
After Jesus brought me into his kingdom, I did learn to hate pretty quickly the "g-d" type words and then grew to hate the "oh my g" expression. The second commandment, after all, is to avoid taking the Lord's name in vain. I've seen fellow church-goers that do curse on occasion, and also seen those that really would never swear and probably can't stand it. I have heard an occasional word from the pulpit. Mark Driscoll is apparently known as the "swearing pastor."
What is the biblical view of swearing? I am not the quickest at jumping in my Bible and finding all the references for what I need to know, but I went to challies.com and did a search on it. Found a couple of comprehensive articles here that I have been dwelling on for the last couple of days. I think one quote that I found to be very thoughtful is from Wayne Grudem: "Using the words commonly thought to be offensive in the culture seems to me to be sort of the verbal equivalent of not wearing deodorant and having body odor, or of going around with spilled food on our shirts all the time. Someone might argue that not wearing deodorant or wearing dirty clothes are not morally wrong things in themselves, but my response is that they do give needless offense and cause others to think of us as somewhat impure or unclean. So, I think, does using words commonly thought to be ‘obscene’ or ‘offensive’ or ‘vulgar’ in the culture generally. Plus it encourages others to act in the same way. So in that way it brings reproach on the church and the gospel."
And he also quotes these verses:
ESV Titus 2:10 not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.
ESV Ephesians 5:4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.
ESV Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
ESV Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
These verses, quoted the way I just laid them on the page, are out of context. Why is Paul talking like he is in Ephesians? What is he referring to in his letter to the Philippians? These are things I'm going to need to study further.
Next, I have the words of my own pastor on our Riverblog here. He categorizes swearing into profanity, cursing, swearing/oaths, perversion/degradation, and linguistic inelegance/rough language. One excellent point he made is this: "it doesn't take a cuss word for us to communicate hate or perversion. The most innocuous word could be used in a context of rage and perversion." He also mentions James 3: "1 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body." And there is more in James about the tongue staining the whole body. The final point, though, is definitely worth reading: "We reserve our mouths at times— not because the specific speech is intrinsically or spiritually bad, but, rather, through our propriety we are showing deference and respect to all of our weaker brothers and sisters. Similarly, we are preserving the witness of Christ to an unbelieving world who may misunderstand and associate these words with anti-Christian beliefs. It is my wish that we 1) regain awesome reverence for God's name 2) respect those around us 3) and not attach improper moralistic restraints to words that are not truly profane, curses, or perverse."
I love the idea of holiness. This, to me, is what the verses I've repeated point to. What I also realize, though, is I am far from it. I truly believe in the idea of total depravity, which means I am never going to satisfy the perfect-ness required that was satisfied in Christ; but even further, like Paul, I am the worst of sinners. So therein lies the theological concept of sanctification. I didn't flip a switch the day I was baptized and become "holy." I think we need correction. On this issue, in particular, I needed to remember what scripture says and remind myself that I have miles to go before I sleep. Particularly in our post-modern culture, it's important to reflect on this topic that can be sensitive for believers, but also for non-believers.
To me, however, the biggest issue is not of the actual language itself, but of the heart. The language points to a heart issue - a heart of hate, a heart of rage, a heart of wanting our own way, a heart of selfish pride. And isn't that what God must change, our heart? Isn't that what God promises to finish? It's not my own doing, but His. I am regretful of the language when used to degrade others, and I confess this. But I cannot change my sinful heart; He must do this. And I pray that He does this in His timing.
I've had some posts on this blog that are offensive, that are based in degradation or rough language. And in understanding that this can be disrespectful to other believers or those that haven't studied this topic, I am removing those. Know, though, that's a band-aid on my own flesh. And know that I'm covered by the grace of Jesus.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The beauty of small things
Seeing, in person, a beautiful sunset with streaks of pink, purple, and yellow, broadcasting the beauty of creation to all who appreciate it.
Having lunch with your daughter(s) and catching up while making jokes, sharing secrets, and listening carefully for things sometimes left unsaid.
Listening to musicians who love what they do and pour their heart out into the moment.
Watching a fluff movie like Miss Congeniality and laughing your head off. Or, singing with one of your favorites, like the Sound of Music, and remembering when you used to do the same thing at age 8.
Making a dinner you truly enjoy, like the wonderful Penne with Shrimp recipe of the Pioneer Woman, and enjoying a glass of wine with it.
Reading a book and realizing it's sucked you in, because it's so good that you can see yourself in the middle of the plot, and then looking up at the clock realizing it's 2 am but you don't really want to stop reading.
Sitting on the beach at night and enjoying the sound of the waves as they roll to shore, knowing that the tide rolls in every night because it was made to do so, and feeling a part of something bigger as you enjoy it.
Watching Little House on the Prairie with your daughter who has no idea how much you obsessed over that show as a little girl - and she says you're a better mom than Caroline Ingalls.
Pretty much any dessert with sprinkles.
Having lunch with your daughter(s) and catching up while making jokes, sharing secrets, and listening carefully for things sometimes left unsaid.
Listening to musicians who love what they do and pour their heart out into the moment.
Watching a fluff movie like Miss Congeniality and laughing your head off. Or, singing with one of your favorites, like the Sound of Music, and remembering when you used to do the same thing at age 8.
Making a dinner you truly enjoy, like the wonderful Penne with Shrimp recipe of the Pioneer Woman, and enjoying a glass of wine with it.
Reading a book and realizing it's sucked you in, because it's so good that you can see yourself in the middle of the plot, and then looking up at the clock realizing it's 2 am but you don't really want to stop reading.
Sitting on the beach at night and enjoying the sound of the waves as they roll to shore, knowing that the tide rolls in every night because it was made to do so, and feeling a part of something bigger as you enjoy it.
Watching Little House on the Prairie with your daughter who has no idea how much you obsessed over that show as a little girl - and she says you're a better mom than Caroline Ingalls.
Pretty much any dessert with sprinkles.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Greedy for Grace
We take communion at Riverwood every week. Some time ago, we used to take it monthly. We used to take it with grape juice and crackers. Now, we take it weekly, with wine (grape juice is available for those who don't partake) and a wonderful homemade rosemary bread.
Communion, to the non-initiated, is a sweet time where we symbolically partake in the Lord's Supper. Every communion, we hear this (from Luke 22):
"19 And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, 'This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.' 20 And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, 'This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.'"
Tim, Eric, and Jimmy put together a great series of devotions on what communion is, the meaning of it, and also what communion isn't. I'm not going to re-hash that now, but I will say that I used to see communion as a time of repentance. Back in the day, with the grape juice and crackers, I used to pray, "God, I am so sorry for my sins, thank you for loving me, thank you for saving me, thank you for who You are." Then, it was all about trying to bridge the distance between me and God. Which wasn't a bad thing, but I'm not sure that repentance is what communion was pointing us to.
Over the past couple of years, my eyes have been opened to a different meaning. I also didn't realize the significance of taking communion weekly. Now, however, due to the meaning and frequency, I crave it. When we celebrate the sacrament of baptism rather than that of communion, I feel a pang of being slightly let down, even though baptism is just as important. Now, this is how I pray: "Joy, joy, joy! What a relief! I am being given a chance to participate in the new covenant, but it's not because of my own efforts, it's because of yours! Hallelujah!" Sometimes I don't even pray that. Sometimes I just sit there with a big grin in my heart. Sometimes I talk while the cups are being passed out. I mean, what's the point of being solemn? This is huge, this communion thing! Do we even understand how revolutionary this is, that we are being changed by the One who claims us, who redeems us, who loves us? I know that I really don't, I won't til I'm done and fully sanctified. But, what a gift! One of my favorite things is looking for the biggest piece of bread, the biggest portion of wine, and taking it. One time, I even accidently took two pieces, and I wasn't even sorry. The homemade bread, the wine, the partaking of it together with my covenant family...all of this seems designed to me as excellent symbols of the promise, of the blessings I am given, freely given, rather than the blessings that I might pass on or the blessings that might depend on me.
Yep, I'm greedy for this time. Hopefully at some point in my life I'll be a little less greedy with the bread and wine.
Communion, to the non-initiated, is a sweet time where we symbolically partake in the Lord's Supper. Every communion, we hear this (from Luke 22):
"19 And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, 'This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.' 20 And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, 'This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.'"
Tim, Eric, and Jimmy put together a great series of devotions on what communion is, the meaning of it, and also what communion isn't. I'm not going to re-hash that now, but I will say that I used to see communion as a time of repentance. Back in the day, with the grape juice and crackers, I used to pray, "God, I am so sorry for my sins, thank you for loving me, thank you for saving me, thank you for who You are." Then, it was all about trying to bridge the distance between me and God. Which wasn't a bad thing, but I'm not sure that repentance is what communion was pointing us to.
Over the past couple of years, my eyes have been opened to a different meaning. I also didn't realize the significance of taking communion weekly. Now, however, due to the meaning and frequency, I crave it. When we celebrate the sacrament of baptism rather than that of communion, I feel a pang of being slightly let down, even though baptism is just as important. Now, this is how I pray: "Joy, joy, joy! What a relief! I am being given a chance to participate in the new covenant, but it's not because of my own efforts, it's because of yours! Hallelujah!" Sometimes I don't even pray that. Sometimes I just sit there with a big grin in my heart. Sometimes I talk while the cups are being passed out. I mean, what's the point of being solemn? This is huge, this communion thing! Do we even understand how revolutionary this is, that we are being changed by the One who claims us, who redeems us, who loves us? I know that I really don't, I won't til I'm done and fully sanctified. But, what a gift! One of my favorite things is looking for the biggest piece of bread, the biggest portion of wine, and taking it. One time, I even accidently took two pieces, and I wasn't even sorry. The homemade bread, the wine, the partaking of it together with my covenant family...all of this seems designed to me as excellent symbols of the promise, of the blessings I am given, freely given, rather than the blessings that I might pass on or the blessings that might depend on me.
Yep, I'm greedy for this time. Hopefully at some point in my life I'll be a little less greedy with the bread and wine.
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